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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27628735">The Royal Idiots</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndlessFeeling/pseuds/EndlessFeeling'>EndlessFeeling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5, この素晴らしい世界に祝福を! | KonoSuba: God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action &amp; Romance, Crossover, First Dates, I make them semi-competent, Idiots in Love, In Media Res, Love Confessions, Multi, Polyamory, Video Game Mechanics</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:22:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27628735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndlessFeeling/pseuds/EndlessFeeling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hi, Kazuma here.</p><p>Last year I was wrongly charged for a crime I didn’t commit. What happened, you ask? I, uh, would really not like to go into the details, just know that I was innocent, I swear. </p><p>Because of it, I was sent on probation to Tokyo to continue school. My parents were probably happy to send their hikikomori son away from home. Thus, I was now forced to attend school, despite coming out from a life of seclusion and having a fragile social constitution, and each day I feel so drained I could just curl into a ball and cry.</p><p>Also, I’m living in an attic atop my legal guardian’s bar. She’s an old friend of my parents, and when I arrived I thought she was pretty cute, but after having to hear her complain for hours to no end of not being able to get a boyfriend, I reconsidered my interest.</p><p>Other than that. Well, there is one good thing. Thanks to my “after school activities”, I get to act like a hero of an anime! I have superpowers, I can fire guns, defeat monsters, the whole shebang, the complete enchilada!</p><p>It would be perfect <b><i>if</i></b> it wasn’t for my teammates.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eris &amp; Aqua, Eris &amp; Megumin, Everyone/Everyone, Satou Kazuma/Aqua/Megumin/Darkness | Lalatina Dustiness Ford/Eris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Infiltration</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This has been sitting on my computer for a year and a half now, and I'm so done with it. So here you go, take it or leave it.</p><p>I am kinda sad I have to be the first to actually write a poly fic of these idiots, but eh, what can you do.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The building was on high alert, the guards were running from left to right, searching every nook and cranny for the pest that had scurried inside. Not rats, not racoons, not cockroaches nor locusts, but the worst pest of all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Thieves </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A dignified man, of robust character and proportions, quickly strode through the hallways. He was Alderp, the owner of this important skyscraper. He was barking orders through his phone to the head of security, while he clenched the accursed calling card with his other hand. His golden eyes shone with unbridled fury.</p><p> </p><p>Behind him trailed his… assistant, shall we say. A young man, who still had that boyish roundness to his cheeks, dressed in formal clothing. However, at a second glance his clothes were dirty, and dark splotches stained his white shirt. His eyes held an emptiness to them, even though his gaze was always focused on the man. He was twitchy, his hand trembled out of control and the smallest noise right now could scare him halfway to death.</p><p> </p><p><b>“Have you found them yet!?</b>” Alderp screamed into the phone, making the young man wince.</p><p> </p><p>“No, sir! We’ve also lost contact with floors 34, 42 and 50,” Answered the voice at the other end.</p><p> </p><p>“<b>You blabbering, incompetent fools!</b> ” The man’s face had turned to a blistering red hue. “ <b>They’re almost here! Don’t let them get to this block!</b>”</p><p> </p><p>“Apologies, sir, we-- A thief has been spotted on floor 54! Capture her!”</p><p> </p><p>“<b>A single thief?</b> ” Alderp murmured. “ <b>Something’s not right… Follow along, Maxwell.</b>”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the lights in the hallway turned off, leaving him in complete darkness. Maxwell screamed in terror until the emergency lights turned on. </p><p> </p><p>“<b>Security! What’s happening!?</b>”</p><p> </p><p>“Sir, the thief evaded capture, and it seems she managed to sabotage the generator. It’ll take us a few minutes to set up the back up.”</p><p> </p><p><b>“Useless! I’ll deal with them myself, just get the electricity back on!</b>” He pocketed his phone as he started walking forward again.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, at the highest point of the building was Alderp’s personal residence, shrouded in darkness. Elegant mahogany furniture, a crystal ceiling over an indoor pool, chandeliers, and gold silverware; Alderp’s penthouse was a trove of valuable items for which any thief would drool over.</p><p> </p><p>However, the four figures sneaking in through the window were not just any ordinary thieves. They were here for the greatest treasure of all. </p><p> </p><p>The leading figure had a headlight strapped to his forehead over his mask, guiding his companions through the apartment, idly chattering with them to fill the silence. With the blackout, all security provisions would deactivate, except for the front door, which locked automatically.</p><p> </p><p>Inside the personal study was their target, guarded in a steel safe. The leader retrieved his tool for the occasion, a stethoscope, and got to work. He had already practiced how to open the safe back home, he just needed silence and patience for this to work.</p><p> </p><p>If only his companions could get a clue.</p><p> </p><p>"OK, but hear me out, what if-" one of the thieves whispered in the darkness, her figure curvy and her voice feminine and carefree.</p><p> </p><p>"No," The leader forcefully cut her off.</p><p> </p><p>"But-!"</p><p> </p><p>"No buts."</p><p> </p><p>"You're not hearing me out!"</p><p> </p><p>"I don't have to. Each time you open your mouth it’s to cry, complain, and say dumb crap."</p><p> </p><p>"Waaaah, Jester’s so mean!"</p><p> </p><p>"Then perhaps," Another figure, of a bigger and more robust frame, interceded. The armor she wore clinked as she moved. Her voice had an air of maturity and wiseness. "If I were to-"</p><p> </p><p>"Denied!"</p><p> </p><p>"Urk! Jester is so rude~!" Her voice quivered, and she started panting heavily.</p><p> </p><p>"Keep it in your pants you perv! I'll pull you out if you don't stop."</p><p> </p><p>"Jester, Jester!" The last intruder, with a more petite size and energetic voice, called to him.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, I’m Jester. And absolutely not."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh come on! I've been waiting for this!"</p><p> </p><p>"We're out of soul food, if you use Ragnarok again-"</p><p> </p><p>"Explosion! It's called Ex-plo-sion!" She said, remarking each syllable with a stomp.</p><p> </p><p>"Fine! If you use another Kablowey-- Ow, you fucking-- don't hit me with your staff!"</p><p> </p><p>"What are you guys bickering about now?" A fifth voice, also female, spoke out. However, instead of coming from their general vicinity, the voice was heard from inside their heads. "My diversion was successful, but the shadows are about to turn the lights on again."</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, I know, Spy, I'm on it." Jester said out loud. He focused the safe again. Stethoscope in hand, he continued turning the dial on the door, searching for a click. </p><p> </p><p>The lights turned on again, and Jester clicked his tongue with worry. His thief outfit was all black, a tight-fitting long sleeved shirt, black pants and green gloves. His mask was an oval with a V cut over his nose and mouth. It was monochrome, one side white with a black eye and the other inverted, black surrounding white. </p><p> </p><p>"Jester, the shadows will come back soon, hurry up or I’ll end the operation right now." Spy spoke, breaking the tense pause.</p><p> </p><p>"Shit, not yet. Paragon, barricade the door, give me some time." He instructed the armored young woman. Her chest and shoulders were protected by a coat of steel feathers over a white and orange tunic, and most of her face was obscured by a knight's helm. Her blonde hair was held in a tight ponytail.</p><p> </p><p>"None shall pass!" She claimed as she crossed the room.</p><p> </p><p>"Priest, buff her." The blue haired girl, dressed in an ocean blue arabic dancer dress, complete with a semi transparent veil on her face, nodded and followed after Paragon.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> THUD, THUD! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>At the other end of the room, something started ramming against the door that led inside. Paragon was hugging the door frame tightly as she giggled maniacally, receiving the impact of whatever was trying to break down the door with her own body.</p><p> </p><p>"The door will only hold for so long, hurry up!" Spy said from inside his head.</p><p> </p><p>"I know I know! I'm doing this as quickly as I can." Jester growled as he twisted the dial over again.</p><p> </p><p>“What do I do, Jester!?” asked the petite girl, clad in a spandex red suit below a half cape that hung from her shoulder and knee level boots. Her eyes were hidden by a black visor, resembling that of Featherman-R but without the actual helmet.</p><p> </p><p>"Fission, uhhh, standby." he answered without looking up from the safe.<br/>
<br/>
“Hah!? What do you mean standby!?” She protested, indigned<br/>
<br/>
“It means shut up and don’t move a muscle you’re distracting me!”</p><p> </p><p>“Outrageous! There’s always a better use for my incredible capabilities!”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up already!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> CRACK! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A hand punched through the door, missing Paragon's face by a hair, and quickly retracted. From the hole a red eye peeked in.</p><p> </p><p>"Thieves! There are thieves inside the studio!"</p><p> </p><p>Priest rammed her lance through the opening, and the shadow screamed in pain.</p><p> </p><p>"Jesteeeeeeer, huuurryy uuuup!" She cried as lakes of tears gathered in her navy blue eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Give me a second... “ He heard a click, followed by the sounds of gears turning. "There, done!"</p><p> </p><p>"Great! Grab it and get out!" Urged Spy.</p><p> </p><p>He pulled the handle, but it didn't open like he hoped. Desperately, he gripped it with both hands and forcefully tried to pry it out, but it wouldn't bulge.</p><p> </p><p>"Crap crap crap, Poltergeist!" He called, and his monochrome mask disappeared in blue flames. From the fire emerged a decaying giant pale hand, clad in a torn leather glove. "Rip open the safe, now!"</p><p> </p><p>The hand rushed forward, but a blueish magical barrier repelled it, burning it and its master as well. The hand vanished in flames as quickly as it had appeared.</p><p> </p><p>"Fuck!" he swore, waving his hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Jester, step back! I'm going to blow it away!" Fission said as her mask burned in blue flames and took a step back. However, her foot didn’t find any ground where to stand and slowly, as if the camera was in slow motion, she fell backwards through a large chasm that most certainly wasn't there before.</p><p> </p><p>The floor tiles were quickly receding towards the walls, creating a pitch black hole.</p><p> </p><p>They had fallen into a trap.</p><p> </p><p>"Poltergeist!" He yelled again. The hand quickly reappeared and flew after the falling girl, grabbing her and preventing her most certain demise. Jester grunted in exertion however; Poltergeist wasn't very strong physically.</p><p> </p><p>"Priest, Paragon, the floor!" Both girls briefly paused their efforts to keep the shadows outside the room, and glanced at the quickly enlarging hole. </p><p> </p><p>Priest cried louder.</p><p> </p><p>"Jester, what do we do!?" Gone was the blushing expression on Paragon's cheeks, showing a serious expression accentuated by her knight-like mask. "I don't mind getting captured to stop the trap, but I don't want to share- I-I mean, I wouldn't bear if something unmentionable were to happen to all of you"</p><p> </p><p><em> Oi, give me back my respect for you </em>, Jester thought.</p><p> </p><p>"Jester!" Called Fission from inside the chasm. "Jump!"</p><p> </p><p>"What!?"</p><p> </p><p>"It's not that much of a fall, just some four or five stories or so."</p><p> </p><p>"Four or five- ARE YOU INSANE!?" Yelled Priest.</p><p> </p><p>"We've had worse, come on!"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> CRACK, CRACK </em>
</p><p> </p><p>More holes appeared on the door, and a black and dense liquid was trickling from the gaps.</p><p> </p><p>"Shit, no other choice!" Jester said before jumping in. He fell, passing by the girl held by the floating hand, and rolled on the ground to mitigate the force of the fall.</p><p> </p><p>"No way. No. Way! I'm not going to juuuuuoaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Priest Screamed as Paragon suddenly came from behind her and tackled her to the hole.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Hi, Kazuma here. This seemed like an appropriate break to clarify some things.</p><p>Last year I was wrongly charged for a crime I didn’t commit. What happened, you ask? I, uh, would really not like to go into the details, just know that I was innocent, I swear. </p><p> </p><p>Because of it, I was sent on probation to Tokyo to continue school. My parents we’re probably happy to send their hikikomori son away from home. Thus, I was now forced to attend school, despite coming out from a life of seclusion and having a fragile social constitution, and each day I feel so drained I could just curl into a ball and cry.</p><p> </p><p>Also, I’m living in an attic atop my legal guardian’s bar. She’s an old friend of my parents, and when I arrived I thought she was pretty cute, but after having to hear her complain for hours to no end of not being able to get a boyfriend, I reconsidered my interest.</p><p> </p><p>Other than that. Well, there is one good thing. Thanks to my “after school activities”, I get to act like a hero of an anime! I have superpowers, I can fire guns, defeat monsters, the whole shebang, the complete enchilada!</p><p> </p><p>It would be perfect, <b><em>if</em></b> it wasn’t for my teammates.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The armored blonde twisted in mid air so she was below the screaming blunette, intending to act as cushion against the hard floor--</p><p> </p><p>Jester reflexively winced when Paragon landed flat on her back, something inside her <em> CRACK </em>ing.</p><p> </p><p>"Ooooohhhhhhh~ Oh, oh goodness, I think that was my spine~ Besides the lack of feeling on my legs, it's so wonderful!" she moaned while Priest laid on top of her, still bawling her eyes out.</p><p> </p><p>"Diarama! Diarama! Diarama!" Priest chanted, green light coming from her hands, as she feebly punched the blonde for scaring her.</p><p> </p><p>Jesus Christ, please save their souls, I don't think anyone else will.</p><p> </p><p>Paragon sat back up, popping her bones back in place with a satisfied expression on her face, completely ignoring the blunette's protests.</p><p> </p><p>Jester sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose beneath his mask. "Spy, where are we?" he called for their navigator, but got no answer.</p><p> </p><p>"Spy?"</p><p> </p><p>"J-Jester, could you please get a hold of yourself!?" she yelled through the telepathic link, causing everyone to wince.</p><p> </p><p>"W-what!? What did I do!?"</p><p> </p><p>"Y-y-you dirty bastard, just let Fission down!"</p><p> </p><p>"The hell? Okay, fine, but I don't get- ACK, SONOFA-! Why DID YOU HIT ME!?" not a moment after Jester commanded Poltergeist to release the girl, Fission brought down her bo staff on his skull, her eyes shining a dangerous red behind her visor.</p><p> </p><p>"Listen, I get that being a pervert is kinda of your schtick, ok? But can you not? At least when you're saving me?" She took a deep breath and averted her face to the side, a small blush painting her cheeks. "Oh, and thanks for saving me." Behind her, Priest glared at him darkly, and Paragon had an indecipherable look on her face, or what he could see of it behind her helm anyways.</p><p> </p><p>No doubt Spy had a murderous glint in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Right, sorry. Let's just go on, there's a path there." Jester pointed at the mouth of a tunnel </p><p> </p><p>Priest’s expression did an 180º and cheerfully saluted. "Aye aye, Scumzuma." </p><p> </p><p>"After you, Trashter." Paragon casually insulted him.</p><p> </p><p>He checked his headlight was well placed and wordlessly, he took the lead. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>In order of arrival to the team, I present you Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness. There’s another member, but we’ll get to her later.</p><p> </p><p>As if it wasn’t obvious, the blunette is Aqua, codename Priest. The school diva, she’s been part-timing as an idol since the last year in middle school. And she’s a damn good idol, I’ll admit. She’s got the looks, the voice, the moves! She has her own dedicated diehard (VERY diehard) fanbase! It should be a dream to just be in her vicinity.</p><p> </p><p>BUT SHE’S JUST SO FUCKING DUMB!</p><p> </p><p>Like, not even just not book smart. You need to be an idiot to answer with total confidence that crabs are mammals during biology class.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Megumin, aka Fission, the pint-sized mad scientist. In contrast to Aqua, she’s scarily smart, and was moved a class ahead, so despite being two years younger she’s already in her first year of highschool. And despite all that, she’s got quite the reputation as a mad scientist (and a general pest) all around the school, because of her condition.</p><p> </p><p>She <b>needs </b>to cause an explosion, daily, or else she herself will be the one that explodes. No one has tried to call out on her bluff. </p><p> </p><p>The chemistry lab has her ten times banned for life, but she still somehow manages to procure the materials to make a homemade bomb daily and set it off at random places. She’s assured me she fires them where’s no student’s near, and indeed, no one has been maimed yet, but I’m still holding my breath. The school would have expelled her long ago if it wasn’t for her academic achievements.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Finally, our latest addition, Darkness, Paragon. She’s a foreigner, and the heiress to a multinational company, which makes her a bit of a princess. And yet, her thieving outfit resembles a holy knight. If you knew her from school, you’d think it fits her. She’s part of the Student Council, acting as the treasurer, but she’s such a stickler to rules that she might as well be part of the Morals Committee. Still, knowing her like I do, I think a leather harness (and nothing else) would fit her better for a thief outfit.</p><p> </p><p>Basically, she’s a MASSIVE pervert and a masochist at that. Having a Persona is both the best and worst thing she could have gotten, because she can endure life threatening injuries.</p><p> </p><p>And she gets off on those.</p><p> </p><p>And at this exact moment, all these objectively beautiful, actually terrifying girls were glaring holes into my head. </p><p> </p><p>God, please help me.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><em> 'What did you do?' </em>Jester glared mentally at the floating hand.</p><p> </p><p><em> 'I'm a </em> <b> <em>hand</em> </b> <em> . What else can I do besides touching, hitting and </em> <b> <em>feeling</em> </b> <em> ?' </em> his Persona replied, his voice resembling Kazuma's and yet not. It certainly sounded like his own voice with the lecherous tone the Persona used. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'Oh my fucking god- what the hell, man!?' </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"H-hey, Fission?"</p><p> </p><p>"Save it. I'm not mad anymore." The girl curtly replied with a neutral voice.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'Well, shit, look at that, she's totally angry. Of course she is-- do you want to get blown up!?' </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'Well, yeah we do.' </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> '... I walked straight into that one, didn't I?' </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> 'Hah! Relax, she'll get over it, eventually. They're used to my antics, </em> and <em> yours as well. Don't try to act innocent with me.' </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'As if. It's not like I could lie to you. But I think that you pushed the line a bit much there.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'Psssch, line this, line that. That's all you ever think about. Man up already!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'Whatever. In any case, it's Megumin of all people, what's there to feel?' </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> 'God's in the details.' </em> It quoted. <em> 'Sides, it's not like I don't have an eye on the others.' </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'You're a hand, you don't have any eyes. Just don't do something thats ought to get us killed.' </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> 'I promise!' </em>In his mind he could see the hand crossing its fingers. Jester growled in response, but otherwise didn't say anything else.</p><p> </p><p>"How much looongeeeer?" Priest complained.</p><p> </p><p>"You should reach the exit of the tunnel soon, but I don't know what's at the other side. This area is not in the maps. Be ready." Spy supplied through the telepathic connection.</p><p> </p><p>“Goddammit.” Jester growled. “Finding a new area the day of the heist. Alderp got us good, that bastard.”</p><p> </p><p>"I've been wondering." Paragon suddenly voiced out from her spot in the rear.</p><p> </p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p> </p><p>"It's just, what is the purpose of this place? True, the fall to the ground would have killed or at least crippled a normal person, but it just seems irresponsible to not place a trap that would certainly kill the intruders. Moreover, if the purpose of the trap is to keep us contained, then why is there a tunnel here?" </p><p> </p><p>"Oi, I'm pretty sure you triggered a flag or four there!" Jester warned her.</p><p> </p><p>"Pfffft, Jester, relax~" Priest waved him off "You worry too much! Flag this, flag that, that's all you go about. Just man up already."</p><p> </p><p>Maybe he should just strangle her now, both of them while he’s at it, that ought to keep them silent forever, right?</p><p> </p><p>Not a moment too late, Jester started to hear a constant shushing noise, gradually increasing in strength. The earth was rumbling beneath their feet.</p><p> </p><p><em> 'Welp, ya dun goofed.' </em> Poltergeist paid his respects and disappeared in the recesses of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you happy now, Aqua, Darkness? Are you both finally happy? Or what's it going to take till you're satisfied, huh?" A dark aura was leaking off from Jester. Priest jumped away, frightened. Paragon held her ground and she was most certainly not blushing.</p><p> </p><p>"N-now now, Kaz-I mean, Jester. It's fine, it's probably just the plumbing! This is a really old mansion after all!"</p><p> </p><p>"Do I have to die? Is that it? Is that what you want?" His voice, void of all emotion, sent shivers down the spine of everybody listening to him.</p><p> </p><p>"J-j-jester, I-i don't want to intrude, but-" Spy tried to gain his attention, alarmed.</p><p> </p><p>"Shuuusshhh" he shushed her as he closed his eyes and held a finger to his lips. "It's ok, Spy, I've come to terms with it."</p><p> </p><p>As he lowered his finger, his mouth, the only thing visible below his mask, transformed into a radiant smile. "If anything, I'm glad. In fact, I'm rejoiced!" he laughed loudly as the noise increased.</p><p> </p><p>"Because this time, we'll all go down, together!" he said, opening his arms and eyes wide, suddenly discovering the absence of the three other idiots that were supposed to die with him. He turned his head back, and the headlight shone on their figures quickly getting away.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oi. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>And then water slammed against his body with the force of a truck that would isekai any other poor fool out of this world, knocking him out.</p><p> </p><p>-------------</p><p> </p><p>"How goes it, inmate, who was abandoned by your teammates before your death?" a man laughed.</p><p> </p><p>"You didn't actually die of course, and your teammates did rescue you from going down a drain that was placed at the end of the path. Now that would have killed you," a woman corrected him.</p><p> </p><p>There was a long suffering sigh from the man. "Must you ruin this for me, every time!?"</p><p> </p><p>"Course I do, it's why I'm here, right? 'Sides, I thought you loved misery."</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, other people's misery, not mine!"</p><p> </p><p>"P-p-please stop you two, the prisoner is glaring at you," the third and final voice, another woman, tried to pacify them. </p><p> </p><p>Jester groaned and dropped his head on his hands for a moment before he rose from his jail bed and approached the cell bars, glaring at his ‘wardens’.</p><p> </p><p>"Oi, Henry, are you finally gonna give me the contract or not?" he interrupted the squabble of the hooded female 'warden' and the masked 'jail director'.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't interrupt, inmate-san, it's rude." The first woman, Beaufort, garbed in a deep blue cape and her face always covered by a large hood, leaving only her mouth visible.</p><p> </p><p>The man to her right, Henry, laughed. His face was covered by a monochrome mask, similar to Jester’s, with a few notable differences. Henry's was a full oval, hiding his face completely. He also had a hood covering his head, though Kazuma could see he was wearing an elegant suit beneath it. He was sitting behind a desk in the middle of the prison.</p><p> </p><p>"Ohoho, you mean this?" the prison director said, as a sheet of paper appeared in his hand from thin air. It was a declaration signed by Jester, almost against his will, that had landed him in Tokyo in the first place, all because of a crime he had been falsely accused of.</p><p> </p><p>Until half a year ago, Kazuma had been living holed up in his home since he saw his childhood friend riding into the sunset with the class’ chad. Then, one fateful night when he was returning late from buying his latest game, it happened.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Damn brat, I’ll sue!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kazuma pushed the memory out his head and focused on the declaration, his supposed ‘contract’. Besides his signature was an empty spot, where someone of the court system, he didn't know who exactly, would have signed, were this normal circumstances.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow Henry had gotten his hands on it.</p><p> </p><p>"As I've told you, you still don't meet all of the requirements to be considered a full guest. However, you are still an eligible candidate, and as such, we will continue to look over your, impromptu, journey.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh come on, don't I get some sort of, I dunno, exceptional clause? You promised great power, but so far, I only have chains on my wrists and stalkers in my dreams." Suddenly, a baton whipped against the cell bars, almost striking his fingers. Jester yelped as he jumped away from the second woman.</p><p> </p><p>"Please refrain from saying insensitive remarks like that, inmate." The coldness in the previously shy warden's voice killed any retort in the prisoner's throat. This other warden, named Frankenstein, Franky for short, wore a proper security guard uniform, but her face was always covered by a sack with two holes cut in it, making her look like some kind of part-time executioner/terror movie killer, making her name all the more fitting. Long brown hair cascaded out of it. </p><p> </p><p>"S-sorry," he squeaked out.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" The attitude change was like day and night. Pick one already, he wanted to yell, but previous experiences had taught him not to incur her wrath.</p><p> </p><p>"In any case, can't you give me a hint of what I need to do to be a full guest?" Jester asked as he approached the bars, although he didn't put his hands in the bars.</p><p> </p><p>"We could, but we will not," Henry laughed. "It wouldn't be as fun watching you stumble around if you had a crutch under your arm."</p><p> </p><p>RIIIIIIIIIING</p><p> </p><p>The prison alarm rang. </p><p> </p><p>"Seems like your time here is over.  Until next time." Henry said as Jester's eyesight started to blur.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>He blinked a few times, and when he opened his eyes again the three idiots were hovering over him, even daring to wear relieved smiles.</p><p> </p><p>"Tch!" he tsk'd.</p><p> </p><p>Fission and Paragon's smiles faltered, and at least now they had decency to look embarrassed. Priest however,</p><p> </p><p>"Well? I'm waiting."</p><p> </p><p>She was expecting him to <em> thank </em> her.</p><p> </p><p>He pounced on her, straddling her and stretching her cheeks as far as he could.</p><p> </p><p>"Owowowow Jwesteeeeer gweeet uuuuuffff" Priest cried as she tried to pry his hands off. (Translators notes: For convenience’s sake, the translation to this gibberish was added. Jester, get of, she said.)</p><p> </p><p>"Never! Not until I’m done through with you!"</p><p> </p><p>"Kyaaaaaaaa! DWARKNEEEESS HALP MWEEEE!" (Darkness, help me! The fair maiden cried.)</p><p> </p><p>"Don't you dare!” he hissed as he turned his head back. ”You'll have your turn next, but if you try to stop me I'll be absolutely nice to you for the next month. I'll be a fucking gentleman."</p><p> </p><p>Paragon froze in place, her arms already half stretched to hold him away from the blunette. Her legs squirmed slightly.</p><p> </p><p>"Y-y-you wouldn't b-be able to," she challenged with a shaky smile. "It would be going against your very nature." she reached a bit further with her hands. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, but Lalatina-sama" her name, rolling from his voice, suddenly soft and gentle, caused another reaction altogether within her that she did not dare acknowledge. "I surely believe you don't know the full extent of what I'm capable of. I’ll walk you to school, I’ll carry your books, I’ll make you fucking <em> tea. Lalatina, </em> I’ll treat you like the european <em> princess </em> that you are <em> . </em>"</p><p> </p><p>She gasped in horror. "I… but y-you... b-but" she stuttered. Was denying her of punishment another form of punishment!? No, this type of embarrassment was not providing any pleasure at all! "N-no matter! If you fail to deliver, I'm sure Aqua, Megumin or even Chris will do just as fine!" she exclaimed, bluffing like a hot air balloon. </p><p> </p><p>"Now hold on! I have several objections to this!" Spy, or rather Chris, as they had seemingly forgotten about their codenames, argued for the first time. </p><p> </p><p>"Noooooo!" Aqua cried as she managed to take a hand out her mouth. "I'm a pure and fair maiden, I can't allow you to drag me into your weird fetish!" </p><p> </p><p>Aqua was an idiot, so he expected her not to catch the bluff, but Chris? </p><p> </p><p>Megumin lifted one eyebrow, but otherwise didn't say anything. There was a slight blush dusting her cheeks however.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wait, don’t tell me she’s really--! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Before he could finish that thought, she glanced to the side, and something caught her gaze. </p><p> </p><p>"Kazuma" Megumin finally said, drawing all their attention. "You had your fun, but that's enough. Come look!” </p><p> </p><p>The teenager gave one final petty tug at the blue haired girl before he stood and looked around. The room they had ended in was large and dome-like, pillars holding the structure together. On these hung some poorly lit torches, leaving the room mostly in darkness. Several arched doors lined the circular wall and gave access to the room, making it some sort of large hub slash crossroad. In the middle was a floating golden pendant, bathed in ether light.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that it?” asked Darkness as she helped Aqua to stand. “The Treasure?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes! I can feel it, no doubt about it!” happily exclaimed Aqua, whatever happened before completely forgotten.</p><p> </p><p>“Chris, is that actually it?” questioned Kazuma, doubting Aqua by default.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhmm, it is! Kazuma, retrieve your mirror, please.” He took out the mirror from his pocket and set it on the ground. There was a flash of light, and a silver haired girl dressed in ninja robes emerged. She flashed them a victory sign and a smile, or she would if her mouth wasn’t covered by a ninja mask.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Our final “member”, Chris, or Spy as we call her during heists. Unlike us, she’s a veteran of the art of infiltration and thieving, as she was raised by a dying ninja clan in the country. I am not making this up, but honestly, at this point there’s not much that can surprise us. Thus, she’s little informed of the life in the city, but she adapts quickly. Other than that, she’s a completely normal, lively highschooler, if a little cheeky and mischievous, ergo the only blessing in this party of crazy girls. </p><p> </p><p>It’s too bad she’s not a permanent member. She has her own agenda, and this is only the second time we’ve worked together, as our objectives were deeply entwined this time. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Alright! Time to retrieve the treasure." she rubbed her hands in anticipation. Her mask burned away, transforming into her persona. A little grey-skinned girl, shyly hiding behind a rectangular floating mirror 3 times her size. Her Persona, like Aqua’s, is a hybrid sensor and battle type, but hers has the special ability to make pathways through mirrors she’s touched before, which allowed us to travel through the palace with relative ease. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, Bloody Mary, take the Treasure and let’s leave this place.” Chris commanded her Persona. Mary hoisted her mirror and swung it like a club to the necklace, but before it could nab it, the necklace suddenly shot backwards towards Alderp’s open hand.</p><p> </p><p>“<b>Not so fast, Thieves!</b> ” The ruler of the Palace glared as he came out from behind one of the archways. Behind him trailed the ever fearful boy, white as a sheet as his eyes fleeted from one thief to the next. “ <b>How very vexing that my trap didn’t flush you all out of my tower. But no matter, I wanted to see you all one last time before I dealt with you for good.</b>”</p><p> </p><p>“Alderp!”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>(AN: At this point, I’m just done with this shit. This story has been waiting for fuck knows how much, the important bits are done. You can fill in the rest with your imagination. I’m so done. Next chapter will come soon, because if I had to wait a year and a half, I get to make you wait for another week.)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Keeper of Lust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bet ya didn't think I would post a week later, huh?</p><p> </p><p>  <s>(Who am I kidding, there's only a few schmucks who read this crap. I appreciate them to bits, but why? Don't you have anything better to do?)/j</s></p><p> </p><p>...<br/>So yeah, I completely skipped the lead-up to the boss fight, you can fill in the blanks of that conversation. Nothing really of relevance happened there. If it was a good decision or not, hell if I know.</p><p>Thank you for reading, I hope you like this chapter.</p><p> </p><p>  <s>(Doubtful, if they wanted to read a FIGHTING CHAPTER, they'd be better of reading the fucking manga)/j</s></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Damn, reading this, it shows I wrote this two years ago. </p><p>I'd like to think my writing has improved since then.</p><p>Anyways, here's a boss battle.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"<b>You're all steps in my stairway!</b> " roared Shadow Alderp as a reddish-black substance bubbled at his feet. " <b>My stairway to heaven! I will become immortal in the pages of history, again and again until I've filled all pages in the books!</b>" the substance coalesced around him, forming an egg of darkness. Maxwell escaped through one of the doors, taking the treasure with him.</p><p> </p><p>"Figures he wouldn't let us leave quietly," Jester muttered. "Priest, hang back and support us, shoot him if you get a good chance. Fission, be on standby and prepare yourself. Paragon, you'll tank his hits. Spy, with me on offense." he told the others his orders as he eyed the egg, looking ready to burst, warily.</p><p> </p><p>"Aye aye!" Priest saluted.</p><p> </p><p>"I'll be your shield!" Paragon readied her bastard sword.</p><p> </p><p>"My time to shine approaches!" Fission twirled her bo-staff, one hand covering her face in a menacing pose.</p><p> </p><p>"Ready when you are, assistant-kun!" Spy took out her pair of knives in a dual grip.</p><p> </p><p>"Here he comes!" Kazuma warned them, short sword in hand.</p><p> </p><p>A dark smoke spilled from the cracks on the egg before exploding outwards as a hulking mass of slimy purple flesh shot out towards them. </p><p> </p><p>"Shit" cursed Jester as he rolled out of the way. The limb retreated back inside the writhing body. Another limb appeared from its side and made a large sweep, breaking the walls and pillars as it went. The wind started blowing inside the room. </p><p> </p><p>Shouting a warcry, Paragon ran in front of the team and cut off the limb with a rising slash before it could get near them. A shriek was heard from inside the amorphous monster as the offending limb retreated back inside. </p><p> </p><p>Then, four limbs shot out from the top against the ceiling, making the whole floor shake. "Is he going to bring it down on us!?" Spy worried.</p><p> </p><p>"Dammit! Everyone, with Paragon!" ordered Jester as he struggled with the shaking floor, dodging the falling pieces of debris. </p><p> </p><p>"Black Knight, aid me!" shouted Paragon as her helm burned blue. A set of black armor lined with golden engravings emerged from the flames, held together in a humanoid shape by an oozing dark substance and wielding a massive Royal Shield and a broken greatsword. A single red eye shone from behind its helm as the Persona held its shield over their heads like an umbrella. </p><p> </p><p>"Is he really going to destroy the building? It's the top of the tower, would he really sacrifice the innermost of his Palace just to kill us?" Fission shouted. </p><p> </p><p>"Guys, look at the walls!" Spy pointed. Where the cobblestone walls were before now were thick and transparent roots-like tubes, carrying a red liquid in it. The roots melded and disappeared through the ceilings and the walls. </p><p> </p><p>They had seen the same roots before in the lower levels, appearing at random intervals through the floor and walls, but they moved inside the structure as soon as they got closer. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly a root burst, and the red substance spilled on the ground. The substance started to raise on its own, forming a dark red brick where the wall stood before. </p><p> </p><p>"So we were right, this building is indeed made of the blood of everyone he has sacrificed in his pursuit of power." Paragon, face hard as stone growled. </p><p> </p><p><b>"I'll bury you all six feet under!" </b>Roared Alderp's distorted voice. A limb rose high and came crashing down on the ground, and then they were free falling. </p><p> </p><p>"AAHHH!" </p><p> </p><p>And they kept falling. </p><p> </p><p>"AAAAAHHHH!" </p><p> </p><p>And even later still, they fell. </p><p> </p><p>"aaaaaaahhhh!" the yelling lost its intensity with time. Wow, they were really high up. Like, damn, you could skydive from this high up.</p><p> </p><p>The truth about Alderp's tower was that it was divided into several blocks of floors, suspended by a gigantic white tree that breached the clouds, the penthouse being at the top of the tree. 'It looks like the tree of the magic beans' Megumin said when they first saw it, 'just a lot uglier.' </p><p> </p><p>And they were falling from the very top. </p><p> </p><p>"Priest, can't you get us closer to another floor!?" Jester yelled. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, that one!" she pointed to a fast-approaching section of the building. "Brace yourselves! Now come, Sayona!" she yelled as her veil burned. </p><p> </p><p>A grey-skinned woman in a flowing white dress appeared. Blood dripped from her sharp claws and her large dark hair flowed in all directions like tentacles. </p><p> </p><p>The hair shot out, wrapping around the party and around several branches, swinging to slow their descent until they finally touched the floor of another suspended block of the Palace. </p><p> </p><p>"Where's that slimy bastard Alderp?" asked Paragon. </p><p> </p><p><b>"You called?" </b>answered the slimy purple mass as it landed before them, shaking the whole floor and splashing a viscous substance all around. Shadow Alderp had grown to become a towering body of writhing tentacles, his bald purple head poking out from the top. From the sides 8 purple arms emerged, half of them supporting his weight, while the other half held oversized blunt and sharp weapons. </p><p> </p><p><b>"Your blood will be an excellent sacrifice for my ascent into immortality!"</b> he roared. </p><p> </p><p>"So, you've finally revealed your true form," Paragon said as she glared at Alderp. "To think I respected you, to think I ever called you family, as my father's closest friend. But I was deluding myself, I ignored the truth of who you really are.</p><p> </p><p>"But now I have seen it! Your only desire is to grab me with those tentacles of yours and do wretched and unspeakable things to me, isn't it!?" </p><p> </p><p><b>"Yes, you fat cow!"</b> Alderp leered. </p><p> </p><p>"Nghhhh~" </p><p> </p><p>Jester slapped his forehead. </p><p> </p><p>"I bet that you plan to use that slime of yours to easily slip me out of my armor," Paragon, red-faced and panting <em> heavily </em>continued. "And then, you will use those tentacles to reach in my-!" </p><p> </p><p>At that moment, Priest firmly covered Fission's ears, who yelped in indignation. "Let me go! I'm sixteen, not a fucking kid!" she yelled, but her complaints were shushed when she caught a look of Priest face, devoid of all emotion except for a single tear that ran down her cheek, telling Fission <em> 'No, you don't need to go through this.' </em></p><p> </p><p>But then, Priest's own ears were covered by Spy. The blue-haired girl looked surprised as her rival (as proclaimed by Priest) would take the fall for her. Spy, a single tear running down her resigned face, shook her face. <em> 'It's okay. It's my duty as her best friend to endure her... Quirks.'  </em></p><p> </p><p>However, two green gloved hands covered Spy ears. The three girls looked back in surprise to Jester, who they fully expected to save his own skin. But he had a half-grin, telling them <em> 'Don't worry, this is nothing. I'm desensitized to this by now.' </em> he said as a single tear ran down his face. </p><p> </p><p>"... And that's when you'll sneak those foul tentacles around my neck to go for the kill, squeezing me until my life leaves my body~!" <em> finally </em>finished Paragon, her legs squirming. </p><p> </p><p>Alderp was silent for a moment, looking oddly into space before he snapped back.<b>"... A-ah, yes! Now there are... several ideas! Y-yes, many, many, </b> <b> <em>many </em> </b> <b>ideas..."</b></p><p> </p><p>She squealed, and it would have been cute had it come from anyone else in <em> any </em>other situation, as she turned to her teammates. "H-hey, guys? Mind leaving us for an hour...or five?" </p><p> </p><p><b>"AN HOUR!? FIVE!?"</b> Alderp choked. </p><p> </p><p>"HELL NO! REMEMBER WHY WE CAME HERE?!" Jester yelled </p><p> </p><p>Hearing that, Paragon sobered up. "A shame, really, that I'll have to pass up such a great opportunity, but I bet I'll find a shadow similar enough in the future!" </p><p> </p><p>"Can you not?!" </p><p> </p><p>"Your crimes are unforgivable, and I've come here to deliver justice to all of the innocents whose lives you destroyed in your pursuit of power. I've come to end your neverending gluttony! </p><p> </p><p>"Alderp, my father's killer, prepare to die!" she said as her broadsword emerged from blue fire. </p><p> </p><p>"I'll need brain bleach to erase the most depraved foreplay ever, of all times," muttered Jester as he summoned his dagger and his mask burned away. "Priest, Spy, Paragon! Help me find his weakness.</p><p> </p><p>"Poltergeist! Agi!" </p><p> </p><p>"Sayona! Bufula!" </p><p> </p><p>"Show your wrath! Black Knight, Zionga!" </p><p> </p><p>"I'll show you! Mary, Garula!" </p><p> </p><p>A barrage of fire, ice, and wind blades assaulted Alderp, and while he was hurt, none of the attacks managed to knock him down. The lighting fell far away from him. </p><p> </p><p><b>"Is that the best you can do?</b>" he jeered as he braced his arms. </p><p> </p><p>With stone cracking force, he leaped into the air. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh shit. Paragon, protect Fission! Scatter!" Jester ordered as he took a sprint out of the way. </p><p> </p><p>The purple monster crashed where they had been before, making the whole floor rumble. From its body thin and sharp tentacles shot like arrows towards the Thieves, aiming to maim or impale them while he swung the weapons in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>"I'll get you this time! Mazionga!" Paragon proclaimed. Dark clouds formed over the shadow, and a multitude of lightning rays fell, completely missing each and any of its tentacles. </p><p> </p><p>"Paragon! For the love of God! AIM! NO FORGET IT, FOCUS ON GUARDING FISSION!" Jester swore.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes...." she murmured, red in the face as she cast Taunt. A mass of purple tentacles hit her head, yet she didn't so much as flinch, even as she was crushed to the ground. In fact, she didn't react, as the chronic embarrassment of having a 0.05 hit-rate (1 in 50, empirically demonstrated by strenuous experimentation) distracted her from the pain.</p><p> </p><p>BANG!</p><p> </p><p>The tentacle writhed in pain before receding, a hole clear in it from on side to the other. Aqua willed her sniper Rifle to disappear before she cast diarama, then sukukaja, on the blonde. </p><p> </p><p>Paragon snapped out of it, yelling thanks as she got to her feet again. Another tentacle approached before Black Knight repealed it.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Jester jumped in the air with a stylish spin as he dodged over the tentacles. He aimed his dual pistols at Alderp's head, letting out a barrage of bullets as he was upside down. The bullets found its target and Alderp bled a dark goo, making it cry in pain and slip in a mess of limbs.</p><p> </p><p>"Alright, Jester! That was a critical hit!" Spy cheered as Jester fist pumped. His luck always won in the end. </p><p> </p><p>The thieves all aimed their guns at Alderp, trapping him in a Hold Up!</p><p> </p><p>"Don't move a muscle!" Jester threatened. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"You idiots! My hands have reached every corner of society! I can destroy you with a snap of my fingers!" </b>
</p><p> </p><p>"I'll show you the true meaning of destruction.” Fission glared as her staff glowed a dark crimson and a ring of fire surrounded her feet. “Jester, I'm ready!"</p><p> </p><p>"Copy that! It's time for an All-Out Attack!" Jester shouted. </p><p> </p><p>"Your time is nigh!" declared Paragon as she leaped into the air. </p><p> </p><p>The Thieves attacked Alderp from all angles, becoming shadowy deliverers of pain and death. Finally, they jumped away from the Shadow, clearing the way for Fission. Her shaded visor burned blue, revealing two glowing ruby eyes. The flames transmuted, taking the shape of a feral beast. A fox with 9 tails, made of pure blue fire. </p><p> </p><p>"Hear the roar of the indignant, </p><p> </p><p>Hear the cries of those you wronged, </p><p> </p><p>I am the equalizer force of this world, </p><p> </p><p>I am the blade between right and wrong, </p><p> </p><p>Explosion!" </p><p> </p><p>A cannon of hellfire erupted from the tip of her bo-staff, consuming all it touched, leaving only ashes in its wake. The blinding flames roared over the anguished cries of the Shadow, and then there was silence. </p><p> </p><p>Fission stood still for a moment, staff still pointed towards the path of destruction she just made, before wobbling and falling on her back. </p><p> </p><p>"Ow!" </p><p> </p><p>Jester and Priest both wrapped one of her arms over their shoulders, lifting the thoroughly exhausted girl. </p><p> </p><p>"So, how much for that one?" </p><p> </p><p>"A new record, that's for sure," grunted Jester. “Just what the hell are they feeding you in your home...?"</p><p> </p><p>"I'd say... 237! My bones are still rumbling! and the smell of grilled octopus hides the stench of ashes and burned wood!" Priest judged. </p><p> </p><p>"Agreed! The focus of the explosion made it almost completely horizontal, avoiding us completely!" Praised Paragon. </p><p> </p><p>"S rank! Savage! Yes!" cheered Fission as Priest shifted her to give the girl a piggyback. </p><p> </p><p>"I'll post it in the Thieves Guild! I'd say we're leading in the scoreboards in terms of raw firepower!" Spy said as she took out her mirror from blue fire, retrieving her phone from it. Using her mirrors as pocket dimensions was an honest boon over her absolute lack of actual pockets. </p><p> </p><p>"'Us'? Does it mean you're finally going to join our party?" Jester asked. </p><p> </p><p>"Not like we need you in it! We were doing just fine before!" interrupted Priest. </p><p> </p><p>"You hurt my feelings when you say stuff like that, Priest." Spy replied, looking only slightly mad and resigned.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't mind her, she's just scared you'll steal her place as navigator." teased Jester. </p><p> </p><p>"Sayona’s scrying works just fine! And I remember all the weaknesses of each and every Shadow we've fought. There's no better Navi than I, Priest." </p><p> </p><p>"Remember the traps you triggered the other week?" </p><p> </p><p>"A fluke, that was a fluke! Sayona was just being childish and stubborn, so she told me the position of the booby traps of the next room!" </p><p> </p><p>"<em> Four </em> times in a row?"</p><p> </p><p>"Waaaaaah! Jester is a meanie!"  </p><p> </p><p>"Well, I'll definitely join your party." interrupted Spy. "Especially now that Paragon became a Persona-user." she winced when she realized what she had said. She became crestfallen as she looked at the armored blonde. "I'm sorry I never noticed what was going on. I ignored what was happening right in front of my eyes because I was so focused on my own objective. Worse, I used you to shield and hide behind your name."</p><p> </p><p>Wordlessly, Paragon embraced Spy. "Neither of us paid attention to the truth, and thus we paid the price. And sure, I was angry before. But I just simply can't bring myself to keep myself mad with you, not anymore. You're still my first and dearest friend, and if you promise to never do something like that again, then all is forgiven."</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Spy relaxed in Paragon's embrace. "Promised. No, I swear on it. However, I'll join your party only after I finish all my loose knots. But, wouldn't I be intruding in... you know...?" she trailed off with a blush painting her face.</p><p> </p><p>"Know what...?" asked Jester. Paragon looked equally confused, not having a clue what the silver-haired girl meant. Priest had stopped paying attention altogether some time ago. </p><p> </p><p>Fission, of all people, answered. "It's fine, really! Oh, or maybe you want in?" she asked with a devilish mischievous smile.</p><p> </p><p>Tomato, meet fire. "M-M-Megumin!? I- but- and..." Spy started to fidget, avoiding everyone's looks. She looked from the corner of her eye at Jester, then at Paragon, and then uttered "M-maybe..."</p><p> </p><p>Fission looked surprised and positively pleased. "Oho, you really want a piece of-" her mouth was forcefully closed by Spy, whose face had reached never before seen shades of red.</p><p> </p><p>"Stoooooop! Not a word!" she yelped while Fission sniggered behind her palm. "Eeeeek, did you just lick my hand!?" </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What is that about?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Who cares, it's hot, right?</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And there goes another kink I regret I ever got to discover thanks to literally talking to my repressed self. And I was thinking more on the cute side. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Lmao, That too.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I hate you </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Lmao, same</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Guys," interrupted Priest. She was pressed between Fission and Spy and had her head posed on the latter's chest, to the silver-haired girl's embarrassment. "It's not dead."</p><p> </p><p>A charred arm emerged from the edge of the roof, followed by a dozen tentacles. Shadow Alderp climbed up the wall, his flesh blackened and crusting. </p><p> </p><p>"OH COME ON!" shouted Fission. "This doesn't affect my score, right!? RIGHT!?" </p><p> </p><p><b>"You... DAMM BRATS!!!"</b> Alderp roared as a dark red aura surrounded him. His arms started violently scratching his skin, shedding it and revealing bulging red muscle beneath. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, one of the root-like tubes emerged from the floor, a sharp needle emerging from it. The root injected itself in Alderp, and his flesh grew back. Then, more roots emerged and embedded in his body, making it grow bigger and stronger. </p><p> </p><p><b>"This blood was going to become my steps to heaven, but if it means I can kill you all then I will gladly spill it until it mixes with yours!</b>" he grinned madly as he brandished his weapons. </p><p> </p><p>"Are. You. Fucking kidding me!?" Jester cursed. He looked at his party. With Megumin exhausted and Priest taking care of her, they were at a great disadvantage. This was a fight they couldn't win... Unless...! </p><p> </p><p>"The Treasure. We need to find his treasure. That cognition, Maxwell, he ran with it. We need to find him."</p><p> </p><p>"Look out!" shouted Paragon as she deflected a giant kitchen knife. The Thieves jumped back, warily eying the shadow. </p><p> </p><p>"He's not just going to let us go," muttered Spy. </p><p> </p><p>"No, he's not, that's why Paragon and I will keep him busy while you three go look for him." </p><p> </p><p>There were instant protests. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you out of your mind!?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nu-huh, no way!" </p><p> </p><p>"Listen!" he shouted, silencing them. "With Fission out of commission and Priest carrying her, you'll drag us down in a fight. And Spy is your best bet if you want to get a jump on Maxwell."</p><p> </p><p>"There's no way I can leave you both alone! If you die and I'm not around, then you're done for." Priest reminded them, worried. </p><p> </p><p>"We'll be fine between the two of us, but if you don't hurry we are all dead." </p><p> </p><p>The three girls looked like they wanted to protest further, but a barrage of tentacles coming their way closed the conversation. </p><p> </p><p>"I won't forgive either of you if you die!" yelled Fission as Sayona wrapped her hair around the girls and slingshotted upwards using the thick branches of the white tree that supported the floors. </p><p> </p><p><b>"Oh no you won't!"</b> growled Alderp as he prepared to reach out to them, but an arrow piercing his face stopped him. </p><p> </p><p>"You do well in focusing on your actual opponents," said Paragon as she notched another arrow in her steel crossbow. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey you slimy asshole, go eat a truck full of dicks!" yelled Jester as he aimed his guns at his face. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you really have to use such crude language?" scolded Paragon. The crossbow in her arms was replaced by her broadsword. </p><p> </p><p>"Piss off." </p><p> </p><p>"Ngh~ Nevermind, use it on me all you want."</p><p> </p><p>"... There's seriously something wrong with you." </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Sayona entered through the hole in the floor from which they had fallen, safely leaving them in front of the door Maxwell had escaped through. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure this is the right one?" asked Fission. </p><p> </p><p>"One hundred percent!" proclaimed Priest. </p><p> </p><p>"... Spy? Is it?" </p><p> </p><p>"Not you too!" Priest cried, fat tears pooling in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>"Priest is right on the money, Fission. You should have more faith in her. Bloody Mary may be a sensor type, but Aqua’s clairvoyance is second to none" said Spy. </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, exactly what she said!" </p><p> </p><p>"I'm only teasing! Sorry!" Fission said, not sorry at all. "It's just that you're cute when you're mad, tho." </p><p> </p><p>Fission expected her to blush and protest further, but Priest's face went completely blank. Before she could slam her feet in the backpedal, the blue-haired girl spoke "I can't believe it, Kazuma <em> was </em>right; you are a closet sadist! I owe him 10 thousand yen now, dammit!" </p><p> </p><p>Megumin screeched, a mix between embarrassed, mortified, and offended. "I'm not! I'm a pure innocent girl, I swear! Why would you believe anything that comes out of Scumzuma. This is slander, a fallacy, a lie!" </p><p> </p><p>"Does that mean you're the S to Darkness' M? Oh my god, is <em> that </em>why you pull her hair all the time?! On second thought, I rather not think about that." </p><p> </p><p>"I was just being mean! Kazuma's mean to you too!" </p><p> </p><p>"Pffft, the virgin is at least open about how much of an evil pervert he is, but he doesn't say mean things to embarrass anyone. He hurts to hurt, or something like that." </p><p> </p><p>"But he-!... But I.... Spy, help me here!" </p><p> </p><p>The silver-haired girl was covering her red face. "Can we please focus on the mission?" </p><p> </p><p>Both of their faces harden as they look back to the dark hallway. "Let's go." </p><p> </p><p>The trio passed the threshold, hunting for the treasure. </p><p> </p><p>... </p><p> </p><p>"Oh my God, but WHAT IF I REALLY AM AN S?!" </p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>"Tentacle on 9!" Jester warned as he fired his guns. </p><p> </p><p>"Got it!" Black Knight stopped the tentacle from spearing them. The Persona raised his broken sword to the sky as his user called "Rakukaja!" </p><p> </p><p>Purple light coated Jester as he parried a giant katana held by one of the many arms. </p><p> </p><p>"Lucky Hit!" Poltergeist shot like a rocket after the receding arm, striking at its wrist. Alderp roared in pain and anger as he dropped the katana, which Poltergeist caught before it could touch the ground and returned to its master's side.</p><p> </p><p>"Sweet!" Jester cheered as an idea popped into his head. He took a lower stance, such as a samurai's. </p><p> </p><p>"The tide's turning... Showdown!" He swung his dagger in a long overhead arc in the air while his Persona mimicked the motions, swinging the massive sword against Alderp's head. </p><p> </p><p>The shadow blocked with another of its many arms, pushing back the disembodied hand with no little effort.</p><p> </p><p>Not to be deterred, Kazuma kept shadow-fighting against the Shadow. He kept looking for an opening in the multi-armed monster's defense, but what really mattered was to keep it focused on something that wasn't them. </p><p> </p><p>Time, it was only a matter of time. </p><p> </p><p>"Jester behind you!" Paragon cried. </p><p> </p><p>Too bad they didn't have any. </p><p> </p><p>One of the needle-headed roots of the tree had swiftly pierced his shoulder from behind, only missing his heart thanks to Paragon's timely warning. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>"I see him! Kitsune, it's time to hunt your prey!" Yelled Fission as her visor burned blue. The fire-made Persona ran down the dark hallway after its quarry. </p><p> </p><p>The cognition of Maxwell shrieked and ran through another door. Kitsune didn't stop and smashed through it, eyes on its target. </p><p> </p><p>"Fission, your energy is really low," said Spy as they ran after the Persona. "Any more and you'll..." </p><p> </p><p>"I know the risks." Fission cut her off "But I'd be a pretty bad teammate if I didn't put my life on the line when they are putting theirs." </p><p> </p><p>"They'll <em> huff huff </em> be fine." panted Priest. "I won't <em> huff </em> forgive them if they're not. <em> Haaah </em> And they know better, so they'll be fine <em> urk </em>." she gulped down the bile, cursing her awful stamina.</p><p> </p><p>" You're right, I have to give my all too! Bloody Mary, Eiga!" tendrils of dark magic erupted from her hand, running through the shadows ahead of the cognition to prepare a deadly wire trap</p><p> </p><p>"Just a bit more... Just. A. Bit. More...! Now! Go for the kill, Kitsune!" </p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>"Garu!" Jester cast a green whirlwind around him, deflecting the numerous tentacles approaching him. He fell to one knee as he pressed against the hole in his shoulder. He was lucky it didn't pierce all the way in, but he was barely stopping the bleeding. </p><p> </p><p>He glanced to his left. Alderp had been slowly pushing Paragon away from him, and somehow the strength and frequency of his attacks were rising. He was relentless, and Jester couldn't find the opening to go back into the offensive. </p><p> </p><p>"Garu!" he yelled again. Poltergeist snapped his fingers, and another green tornado protected him from harm. </p><p> </p><p>His teammates would be here soon. He just needed more time. </p><p> </p><p>"Garu!" </p><p> </p><p>He tried to stand up again, but his legs felt weak. </p><p> </p><p>"G-garu!" </p><p> </p><p>It was getting hard to breath. </p><p> </p><p>"Garu"</p><p> </p><p>More time. </p><p> </p><p>"Ga-garu!" </p><p> </p><p>He just needed... more... </p><p> </p><p>"Nghn...! Jester!" </p><p> </p><p>The thief glanced again at Paragon. She was fending off the attacks with her armored Persona. </p><p> </p><p>"Garu...." </p><p> </p><p>"Hang on! Please, you can't fall here! Geh!" She pushed back an oversized butcher knife with the flat of her sword before she took a step towards him. </p><p> </p><p>"G-garu!" </p><p> </p><p>"Our teammates, they'll be here soon. We must continue fighting! So fight!" </p><p> </p><p>Black Knight covered her as needles, pointy weapons and tentacles slammed against his shield. He pushed all of them back and raised his broken sword to the sky. </p><p> </p><p>“Aim true, Black Knight!" Lightning fell directly on Alderp's head, making him screech in anger. </p><p> </p><p>"<b>You... bitch!</b>" the shadow roared through the spams that racked his body.</p><p> </p><p>Jester's knees gave out as the assault stopped, but Paragon held him firmly. </p><p> </p><p>"Just a little longer, we must fight to survive!" was all she could say before a tentacle slammed against their bodies, throwing them to the edge like ragdolls. </p><p> </p><p>Jester's hand twitched before he forcefully dragged it and pushed against the floor. </p><p> </p><p>"Oi... Paragon... What... were you saying?"</p><p> </p><p>He dragged himself with his arm and his elbow. </p><p> </p><p>"Oi..."</p><p> </p><p>His vision was darkening at the edges</p><p> </p><p>"Hey... Answer me!" </p><p> </p><p>He grabbed her by the neck of her armor. She was too heavy to shake.</p><p> </p><p>"Come on!" </p><p> </p><p>The strength on his arms faltered and he fell on top of her. </p><p> </p><p>"What are you doing, who gave you permission to rest, you crazy masochist bitch? Get up! You fucking managed to hit him, for once in your life!" </p><p> </p><p>Sufficiently amused with the melodrama, Alderp launched forward all of his tentacles, intending in ending both of them for sure. </p><p> </p><p>For an instant, Jester blacked out. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>"What a terrible fate you've met." Vanir chuckled. "Like The Tower, you were crushed at the height of your glory. No, even more, at the dawn of your journey! Your despair is simply delightful!" </p><p> </p><p>And yet, it really comes to no surprise. The cards were stacked against you from the beginning. And that's just not as fun." </p><p> </p><p>This is truly an unjust game." <b> <em>This is truly an unjust game.</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>However!" <b> <em>But if you can still hear my voice,</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>That look on your eyes..."<b> <em> There might be some hope left.</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>Yes, I see it! That furious determination. And yet, even when you fell unconscious, you posed yourself to shield her with your own body, for what little good it will do for her. But for you? I'd say you just hit the jackpot." </p><p> </p><p>You have fulfilled all the conditions set by your contract. In my eyes, you are now our guest!" </p><p> </p><p>And for this special time only, a boon from us to you!"</p><p> </p><p>I hope you'll make this an interesting game, dear guest."</p><p> </p><p>A card, depicting a court jester with only the clothes on his back and the loyal dog at his feet, appeared upside down as if the man was foolish enough to fall towards the sky. It started to shine until it chased away all the shadows in the prison. When it dimmed, the card had been reversed, and the jester was finally on the right path to start his journey.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Blue fire erupted from him, burning away the tentacles by the sheer intensity. </p><p> </p><p>At the same time, Kitsune sank it's fiery fangs on the cognition, while Sayona stole the treasure with her hair tendrils. </p><p> </p><p>Alderp felt as he'd been struck by lightning from the inside and the miraculous strength he had absorbed left him. </p><p> </p><p>As if pulled by strings, Jester rose to his feet, glaring at Alderp with shining golden eyes. </p><p> </p><p>He doubled on his stomach as a burning pain ignited from the inside out. He grabbed it, even as it scorched all of his nerves, and <em> pulled </em>.</p><p> </p><p>"ROOOOOAAAAGHHH! PERSONA!" He roared. The flames transmuted into a great white tiger. Long fur flowed in the air like a river of smoke. It's yellow eyes sparkled with intelligence and dignity, while its mouth salivate at the prey in front of him</p><p> </p><p>"Byakko... Ziodyne, if you'd please." Jester panted in exhaustion but still managed to be as politely as one may ask for salt in the table. </p><p> </p><p><b>"Awe at my power, child of man"</b> The beast roared and the sky cried with it. A gigantic lightning bolt struck Alderp right in the head, eliciting a cry of agony from him. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"I like you, child, but for now my true might is too much for you. Until we meet again"</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The Persona returned to Jester but instead of his usual mask, it transformed into a metal plate that bent around his face. On the left half, shredded cuts allowed him to see, while the right had evenly cut holes. </p><p> </p><p>"Change!" </p><p> </p><p>The mask burned blue, becoming a deep blue face mask that covered up to his nose. A smile full of sharp, bloody teeth was printed over his mouth</p><p> </p><p>He laughed maniacally as the mask burned again. </p><p> </p><p>"Burn him away, Baphomet!" </p><p> </p><p>A humanoid of ashen black skin, with the head of a goat, a fire between its horns, and wings on his back, emerged. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"Pathetic maggots must learn their place; with me, in the deepest pits of hell!" </b>
</p><p> </p><p>A pillar of flame erupted below the shadow, propelling it to the air. </p><p> </p><p>"Rangda, rip him to shreds!" Jester said as he pointed towards the falling mass of limbs, the look of insanity replaced by complete focus and a cocky smirk. His face mask had become a black cloth that covered his upper face with two cuts for his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>The Persona changed again, becoming a half-naked woman with purple skin covered in black markings, long nails which were sharp as swords, and long ragged raven hair. Her mouth was biting around a bamboo</p><p> </p><p>In the blink of an eye, she had wordlessly cut through the shadow's limbs. </p><p> </p><p>"Change!" </p><p> </p><p>This time, the mask became a full face black screen. It blinked on, forming a pair of eyes and mouth out of LED lights.</p><p> </p><p>Before he could summon a new Persona, Alderp regained enough focus to throw everything he had. Rusty serrated knives, nails, needle roots; all aimed towards Jester, only to bounce back as a mirror wall appeared in between. The weapons stabbed the shadow in all places. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"WH-WHAT!? DON'T TELL ME-"</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"You know, for all the trouble you gave us, you didn't have any true talent, you just kept throwing your sad weapons at us and hoped it would be enough. Just how more pathetic can you get?" Jester jeered as his mask burned blue, revealing a self-satisfied smile. The flames became a fat, one-eyed, humanoid blue elephant, wielding a scimitar and dressed only in a loincloth and golden jewelry.</p><p> </p><p>"It's too bad for you though. As long as it's physical, Girimehkala won't allow you to even get close to me and return it all to you. Now, Megidola!" </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"I like you already, human! Hurry up and get to the point where you're worthy to command me!" </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Orbs of almighty magic gathered around Alderp, before unleashing rays of pure energy. His cries of agony were drowned in the resulting explosion. </p><p> </p><p>The persona disappeared, and his original mask, the one that unnervingly resembled Vanir's, returned to him. </p><p> </p><p>"And now, for the Grand Finale." He said as he took off his true mask with a grand motion. The fire spread through its arm until it covered him. </p><p> </p><p>"I am thou," </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"Thou art I," </b>
</p><p> </p><p>"A thousand pains I have endured, "</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"Yet not even death will grant me solace. And thus, I roam, the hateful spirit, rage incarnate! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I am Wraith!" </b>
</p><p> </p><p>The fire became a decaying corpse, bits of missing flesh revealing blackened bones. The lower half of his body was missing, and what parts of his body he did have seemed disproportionate, with impossibly long arms and fingers. Its mouth opened wide as it let a ghoulish scream. </p><p> </p><p>"Ravish him! Eiga!" Jester commanded. </p><p> </p><p><b>"This is your new power, enjoy it to its full extent!"</b> Wraith cackled as dark magic coalesced in its hands. The curse magic became sharp beams of black light that pierced Alderp at impossible angles, quickly transforming him into an acupuncture practice doll. </p><p> </p><p>The shadow gave a last shuddering breath before its body dissolved, returning once again to a more human body. </p><p> </p><p>"... Bitch." Jester said as the surge of power and adrenaline disappeared and he fell flat on his face. </p><p> </p><p>"sonofa... bitch." he groaned to the ground. </p><p> </p><p>"Kazuma, Darkness!" he heard a chorus of voices. </p><p> </p><p>He tried speaking, but it was just so <em> hard. </em></p><p> </p><p>Oh, the dark spots were back again. </p><p> </p><p>"Kazuma, hey Kazuma can you hear me?!"</p><p> </p><p>"They're not breathing. Oh god, Darkness, hang in there! Please!"</p><p> </p><p>So loud. </p><p> </p><p>"Recarm! Recarm! Mediarama! Mediarama! Mediarama! Mediarama!"</p><p> </p><p>God, this useless goddess never did shut up, did she? Couldn't she see he was terribly tired?</p><p> </p><p>"Kazuma! Hey, Kazuma! Come back to us please!" </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry please answer" </p><p> </p><p>"It's not working. Oh god, it's not working."</p><p> </p><p>Man, what a sad, useless party he had. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, that's that. I kinda proud of the action scene, but I'm acutely aware I've never been that good at writing them, so judge as you wish.</p><p>Do leave a comment? Those are the food of writers and I love to speak to the few of you that read my stuff.</p><p>So yeah, that was that.</p><p>Just so you have a reference:</p><p>Kazuma: Jester, then Fool Arcana. Poltergeist, then Wraith. Unlike other persona protagonists, I thought it would be more fitting for him to develop his main persona through his relationships, meaning it evolves more often.</p><p>Darkness: Empress Arcana. The Dark Knight of the Arthurian Legends.</p><p>Aqua: Devil Arcana. La Sayona, a Venezuelan vengeful spirit. (I could have used La Llorona, cuz haha Aqua cry, but eh, this is what I chose). She's also a dual support/combat persona, with focus on combat.</p><p>Megumin: Moon Arcana. Kitsune, the trickster spirit.</p><p>Chris: Magician Arcana. Bloody Mary, the lady in the mirror. She's also a dual support/combat persona, with focus on support.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Confession</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Here are the good poly Feels~</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I always update far later than scheduled, but last time I updated on time. </p><p>So I decided to post ahead, just for the hell of it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he came back to himself, Kazuma was laying down on his bed in Axel's attic. It was dark outside.</p><p>And boy was he <em>sore</em>.</p><p>His bruises must have bruises.</p><p>He was snapped from his musings by a snort. On his couch, his teammates were sleeping, propped one against the other. Darkness was sandwiched between Megumin and Chris. Aqua was on the other side of Megumin.</p><p>He noticed that Chris was holding onto Darknesses' arm rather strongly and that both Aqua and Megumin had intertwined their fingers with the blonde's free hand.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Now that's a cute sight</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just when I was thinking I got rid of you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Gomena-sike, bitch</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, I'm finally an anime protagonist?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>You sure as hell are now. Hell, you got the Harem right there</strong> </em>
</p><p>He looked over the crybaby idiot healer, the trigger-happy pyromaniac, the masochist meat shield, and the heroine-like thief...</p><p>
  <em>Can't I get a reroll for the first three? What shitty pull.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Pffft, as if we'd get any better from this</strong> </em>
</p><p>He wiped the soft smile on his face, feeling embarrassed as his own corny-ness. His face frowned, pensive.</p><p>
  <em>The power of the Wildcard...</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>The first one in Japan for a very long time, or so says Vanir. All the other teams have been making due only with their og Personas.</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because anything that he says it's worth shit</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Well, he did give me another hand, so I think I owe him that at least.</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh yeah, what exactly happened to you? Did you evolve? Shit, did you evolve like Tusk?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>For the last time, I'm not a Stand</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sure, Act II</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Fuck you</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No homo</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I will end you</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bite me</em>
</p><p>Suddenly, Kazuma felt a splitting headache, before a ball of fire exploded right in his face.</p><p>"SONOFABITCH!"</p><p>
  <strong>I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker. Test. Me. Again. (sonovabish that hurt)</strong>
</p><p>The noise awoke the girls right up, Aqua jumping and falling to the ground as Darkness reached for a sword that wasn't there.</p><p>For a moment, everyone froze, before the blue-haired girl started growling.</p><p>"Kazumaaaaaa, you fucking asshole! You almost gave me a heart attack" Screamed Aqua as she got up to throttle the brunette.</p><p>"Wh-wait, it was Wraith I swagsgdhfjfkg" whatever defense he had was stopped along his breath as Aqua started to choke him with strength not expected from a healer.</p><p>"O-oh, we're jumping straight to the point then?" giggled Darkness as a blush crept over her face.</p><p>In sync, both Kazuma and Aqua gave her the middle finger before they could think who was speaking to them.</p><p>"Nghhhhh~"</p><p>"Should we stop them?" Wondered Chris, only mildly concerned.</p><p>"Actually, I have a better idea. I read something like this the other day. In fact, you can help me here." she leaned on the silver haired girl's ear and whispered her simple plan.</p><p>The thief turned a fiery red. "Are you sure?"</p><p>The crimson eyed teen nodded wisely. "If novels have taught me anything, it's that there's no better time for confessions than just after suffering traumatic events."</p><p>"What kind of trashy romance books do you read?"</p><p>"The good trash, of course. Now, do you want this now, or not yet?"</p><p>"... Fuck it. Let's do it."</p><p>"You sure? I'm doing this now cuz the tension it's at its highest, but you can easily slide in later."</p><p>"No, I'm ready now."</p><p>"Then follow my lead"</p><p>Darkness, squirming in place, was suddenly tackled by the combined weight of two girls.</p><p>She barely budged from her place.</p><p>"Hmm? Chris? Megumin?" she questioned.</p><p>"Shit! Plan B, Plan B!" Megumin yelled as she used her shorter size to kick Darkness behind her knees, making them buckle down. Chris saw her chance and pushed the blonde against Aqua, who was still wringing Kazuma by the neck.</p><p>"Eh!?"</p><p>The combined weight of five people on the bed made it bend and creak ominously, making everyone stop in fear that the bed would give up on them.</p><p>For a moment there was silence before a quiet sob was heard.</p><p>"You fucking idiot. You absolute fucking asshole" Aqua sobbed into the bedsheets.</p><p>Carefully, Darkness lied beside her and tried to hold her, but the blue-haired girl recoiled as if burned. She made to stand, but the creaking of the bed stopped her. So, she simply lied in between them.</p><p>During the commotion, Megumin had ended behind Kazuma, while Chris was at the other edge of the bed with Darkness.</p><p>"You too! You both! I can't forgive you." tears kept spilling from her face. "You both died. <em>Really </em>died back then. Even after I healed you, you didn't come back right away. I was scared shirtless." she felt Megumin's hand holding her own, and she squeezed back.</p><p>This time, when Darkness tried to hold her again she let her, soaking up in her warmth. The blonde was nuzzling her neck, while Chris rubbed her arms.</p><p>Aqua felt a hand cradling her cheek, she opened her navy blue eyes to Kazuma's emeralds. "I'm... sorry. We're sorry we made you guys worry."</p><p>"I'm tired, and sad, and tired. I'll be madder tomorrow. I can't forgive you not just yet."</p><p>"We'll make you up for it tomorrow, then," said Darkness, her breath sending familiar shivers down the blunette's spine.</p><p>Without thinking, she turned backward and captured the other's lips with her own. Darkness eyes widened in surprise, but Aqua realized what she had just done and pulled away, blushing madly and looking ready to start crying again.</p><p>"I... I just..."</p><p>Darkness didn't wait for another second and shut her up with her own mouth. She closed her eyes as she started deepening the kiss.</p><p>Kazuma was silently gaping, Chris was observing with attention and curiosity, and Megumin let out a relieved sigh. Then, her smile turned foxy and she leaned over the boy.</p><p>"Don't they look so cute?" she whispered in his ear. He gulped as shocks ran down his spine. She might as well have whispered Einstein's law of relativity, it wouldn't have made a difference for him at that moment.</p><p>Chris started pecking Darkness cheeks, leaving fluttering kisses before her lips were captured too by the blonde. Aqua looked dazed as she glanced back to the other two.</p><p>"Aren't you a man? What are you doing, leaving the girl waiting?" she huskily murmured again on his ear, making him gasp due to the tickles of her breath.</p><p>However, the natural cowardice of a virgin teenager boy tried to take over. "Me-Megumin, wh-what's go-"</p><p>The brunette, however, was tired of this attitude that, along with other untimely interruptions, had more than once thrown all her plans and advances out the window. She silenced him with her mouth.</p><p>It was good. Holy crap, no books or manga could ever explain this feeling correctly (AN: I will not bother trying to explain it either)</p><p>She broke the kiss first and felt a thrill when she saw him chasing after her.</p><p>"Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you" she lulled in his ear as she gently turned his head towards the blue-headed girl who was biting her lip, and boy, if just that look didn't do wonderfully funny things in her.</p><p>Kazuma didn't need more motivation</p><p>He pushed himself forward and kissed the blunette, once, before he said "I bless the rains down in Africa" (causing her heart to do happy flips) then she kissed her again, then he started prodding, carefully, savoring the taste (it was different between them, he noted idly) when he felt the other person behind giving him a light kiss on his neck.</p><p>He felt like he had been struck by lightning.</p><p>Without wanting, a groan rumbled in his throat, just as Darkness moaned in Chris' mouth. They froze, suddenly hyper-aware of everything around them.</p><p>Including the creaking of the bed, then the <em>snap!</em> as it finally broke by the middle, launching the ones at the edges to the middle.</p><p>"BLARGH!"</p><p>"Ooof!"</p><p>"Aaaghhh, god, everything hurts!"</p><p>For a moment, there was silence.</p><p>"Pffft"</p><p>Soon enough, they all descended to giggling like loons. It took a while before they couldn't keep laughing, after when they just slumped in their impromptu cuddle pile.</p><p>"So, what just happened?" Kazuma broke the quiet.</p><p>Megumin sighed, curling around Aqua a bit tighter. It was time for the 'Talk'.</p><p>"Something that had a long time coming now"</p><p>(Confession time, I have no idea how to do this. Edit: I still have no idea how to do this, two years later. Sorry to disappoint, but yeah, skipping.)</p><p>"Then, what happens now?" Darkness asked.</p><p>"Hopefully? More repeats of this. Then maybe dates and stuff?"</p><p>"You sounded so sure of yourself, what's with this vagueness?" Kazuma teased her.</p><p>"OI, with an attitude like that, Imma just steal your <em>'harem' </em>and have a big lesbian orgy" she emphasized with big air quotes.</p><p>"Hot"</p><p>"Pfffft" Aqua snorted "s-so-sorry, it's just- it's just too funny when you say it, Megumin."</p><p>"You traitor..." Megumin blushed "Fine! I'll just take Darkness and Chris with me and leave you two idiots."</p><p>"Oh, I'm sure you'd go swimmingly together. Especially you and Darkness." The smugness in Aqua's voice was so palpable it was punchable.</p><p>Megumin's eyes seemed to shine as she glared, but the blue-haired girl was nonplussed.</p><p>Darkness, none the wiser, raised an eyebrow. "Why's that?"</p><p>"HAHAHAHAH, because I like you very much and think you're very pretty!" the Ruby eyed girl deflected in a slight panic.</p><p>"Among other reasons, I'm sure"</p><p>Enough is enough, Megumin thought as she grabbed Aqua by the mouth and <em>stretched</em>.</p><p>"This mouth! This stupid mouth! I'll figure a better use for it since you only cause problems when you open it! Maybe you should start by licking your own feet, since you love so much to put them in your mouth! You'll bemoan the day you incurred the wrath of The Crimson Eyed Demon, you blubbering fool!"</p><p>"BLAAAAAAAAAARRRR, TWIS IST DWMESTIC ALUSE, HWEEEEEEELP!" (This is domestic abuse, heeeelp, she said.)</p><p>"HAH, NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO DEAL WITH HER!" Kazuma gloated.</p><p>"Megumin! I didn't know you could be so forward~" Darkness blushed, imagining several... Scenarios.</p><p>The girl froze, filled with Dread.</p><p>"Wait a second." Kazuma stopped, as his brain made the correct synaptic connections, "Wait a HOT GODDAMN SECOND! DOES THAT Mean!? AAHAAHAHHA, I FUCKING KNEW IT, YOU OWE ME A SHIT LOAD OF YEN NOW, AQUA"</p><p>"NUUUUUUUUUUUU" the blue-haired girl moaned in defeat, her mouth <em>still </em>uncomfortably wide.</p><p>"That's it, I'm divorcing all of you. See if I care." Megumin slumped face-first against Aqua's blossom. She decided not to move from there for a while.</p><p>"Pfffft, hahahahahahaha" finally laughed Chris, the last reserves of her restraint used. Her cheery mood didn't last, and she slumped against Darkness. "Hey, how do I fit in this?"</p><p>"Chris?"</p><p>"With the exception of Darkness, you guys knew each other longer and had endured so many things together. I just arrived and I, just, don't where I fit with you all. I know it's a dumb concern, but, if we're gonna put all the cards on the table..."</p><p>"Well, that's easy" surprisingly, Aqua was the first one to answer ". You don't"</p><p>"AQUA! APOLOGIZE IN THIS INSTANT!" Darkness bellowed, indignant and angry.</p><p>"EEP! Let me finish! What I meant is that none of us fit with each other! Look, we literally couldn't be worse match-ups for each other, with the exception of Darkness and Megum- ICK! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! DON'T AHAHAHAH TICKLE ME!"</p><p>After she calmed down, she continued. "I'll be real, my beauty and elegance make me unapproachable ('Pfft, yeah, only that,' Kazuma snorted), Megumin is a Chuuni, Kazuma's a pervert, Darkness is practically a foreign princess, dark eccentricities included, and you're a literal country bumpkin ninja-thief. Not one of us fit together, and yet here we are."</p><p>Chirs was speechless for a moment, then she sniffled before hugging the blunette. The girl stiffened for a moment before returning the hug.</p><p>"You better remember this! This will be one of the few times I'm <em>this </em>nice with you, my Navi rival!" she boasted, but whatever she said was lost on Chris.</p>
<hr/><p>Eventually came the time to say their goodbyes. Carefully, they dislodged themselves from the sad remains of Kazuma's bed.</p><p>"It's a good thing Luna-san went home for the night," Kazuma commented as he inspected the broken bed frame.</p><p>"I'll pay for the damages, worry not" Darkness assured him, but he shook his head.</p><p>"I have a better idea. Think you can get me a pair of futons?"</p><p>"Oh! Umm, yes, I see!" she nodded, blushing.</p><p>"I'll have to go back there tomorrow to return this" announced Chris as she took out the amulet.</p><p>"Do you want me to accompany you?" Darkness offered within a heartbeat.</p><p>However, Chris denied her. "I'll be fine. It was my mistake in the first place. Because of me, Alderp got his hand in this. So, I will fix this and come back. You won't even notice I've gone."</p><p>But, looking at the blonde still worried for her, she gathered her courage and stepped forward, saying.</p><p>"Still, I can give you something to remember me by~"</p><p>She cupped the blonde's face and kissed her deeply. Then, feeling adventurous, she pinched her with her nail, hard, and the blonde became putty in her hands.</p><p>"Gross, absolutely disgusting. Get a room, you two." Kazuma teased. Chris smiled, embarrassed, but then a flash of inspiration struck her and she <em>sauntered </em>over him until she was just a few inches away from his face.</p><p>"Are you sure you really want that, Ka-zu-ma? Don't you have some other ideas there of what you would rather have me do? What you'd want to see us doing?"</p><p>The boy couldn't help lean back in surprise, his throat dry as the Sahara desert. Before he could gather his wits, she pecked him in the cheek and left him there, just a step away from foaming. "You talk big, boy, better learn how to back it up!" she giggled as she left the café without another word.</p><p>Aqua leaned on Megumin "Ne, just what the hell did we awaken?" she whispered. The brunette could only shrug in response, somewhat scared, and turned on.</p><p>Darkness, who just managed to put herself together, suddenly remembered something. "That's right, Alderp! What happened to him?"</p><p>"Well, after we... stabilized you two...</p>
<hr/><p>Aqua kept crying and holding onto them, even after they unconsciously gasped to return the air to their lungs, repeating "you idiots" over and over.</p><p>Meanwhile, Megumin had one of Kazuma's guns pressed against the shadow's forehead, the finger on the trigger.</p><p>"You better have ten reasons why I shouldn't pull the trigger right here and now."</p><p>"Megumin."</p><p>The girl turned her eyes towards the silver-haired thief. Even behind the tinted visor, Chris could see the cold, murderous gaze in those Ruby eyes. Even more, she could see the rage and anguish over such a close call, but maybe that was just the reflection of her own eyes.</p><p>"They're alive, that's all that matters"</p><p>"Only barely, not thanks to him."</p><p>"Killing him now won't solve anything. He still needs to pay. If he dies a martyr, then all of this will be pointless."</p><p>"... God, you sound like an anime character." the brunette replied, but she did put the gun away from the frightened Shadow.</p><p>"Trust me, if it were only me I'd pull the trigger in a heartbeat. His death would be enough of a reward. But they need this, especially Darkness."</p><p>"You hear that you piece of scum? If you don't start redeeming the moment we leave this garbage dump, we're gonna come back and finish the job <em>in person."</em></p><p>
  <strong>"Yes! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I just-"</strong>
</p><p>"Save it, we don't care for your excuses" the silver-haired girl spat before turning away to help carry their friends.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." the shadow kept muttering as it disappeared in blue flames.</p><p>"Mary, take us home," she murmured to her Persona, whose mirror expanded until it could fit all of them. They disappeared through their reflections as the giant tree that supported the Palace withered and died.</p>
<hr/><p>"Luna-san let us through before she left."</p><p>"We told her you both had gone into shock after you mistakenly pushed Darkness out of the way of what you thought was a truck, but turned out to be a tractor," Aqua explained</p><p>"A TRACTOR!? WHAT ON EARTH WOULD A TRACTOR BE DOING IN A CITY LIKE THIS!?"</p><p>"Well, she didn't question it. She just laughed a bit about it before ushering us inside."</p><p>"Fucking idiot diva, go to hell"</p><p>"I... Thank you" interrupted Darkness. "I want to thank you so much, and yet, I can't say for sure I wouldn't have looped his head clean off his shoulders were our situations reversed. Just at the thought of that, I... " Tears started to form in her eyes.</p><p>Megumin was suddenly up in her face, using one of Axel's stools to cover the height gap, (She would grow taller, she swore to the heavens), kissing her tears, her cheeks, and her mouth. Kazuma and Aqua followed right after, hugging her tightly.</p><p>Darkness felt herself relax in the embrace.</p>
<hr/><p>14/5 Saturday</p><p>Morning.</p><p>The students of Shujin academy got quite the rumor ammunition that morning. It didn't matter, Kazuma was used to it already.</p><p>
  <em>Fucking normies will latch onto everything to fill their boring empty lives.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Book of Reee 4:13</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Amén</strong> </em>
</p><p>OH! How he pitied them! Spending what little brain cells they had by talking about inconsequential things, like sports and... Sports. And other useless things, like gossip.</p><p>Truly, how sad it was that they'd never even glimpse of the pleasures of the Harem!</p><p>"Kazuma, your mental gloating is getting loud. I can hear you from all the way here." Chris was unamused.</p><p>"I don't know what you're talking about."</p><p>"I don't need my Persona to tell what you're thinking. You're as clear as the day to me."</p><p>"It was pretty obvious." Darkness confirmed.</p><p>Oi, this isn't the tag-teaming he had in mind.</p><p>"Still, Darkness, aren't you uncomfortable with the stares? They're not even trying to dissimulate" Chris wondered as she looked around.</p><p>"Not at all! Let them! What they may think is none of our business or our interest. Even if they insulted me under their breath with shameful monikers, and plotted to take me behind an ally and show me what exactly they think about my inclinations!" The blush made it pretty hard for her words to be believable.</p><p>"Of course," chorused Chris and Kazuma, the people hanging to each of her arms in a clear display of affection.</p><p>Indeed, Darkness, gleeful of her new relationship status, and her different cultural values regarding PDA's, had linked an arm with each of her... the people of her affections (they needed a name for this). Of course, she had already predicted the implications beforehand, so she had dragged them off to school before Kazuma could pussy out.</p><p>Unsurprisingly, he wasn't hard to convince.</p><p>Surprisingly, Chris had been all for it. She too was unafraid, and that was to be expected, given her martial upbringing in the mountains in the arts of thievery. Perhaps, Darkness thought, is her defiance to her hash teaching that moved her desire to be noticed, to have a presence.</p><p>And thus, she found herself walking into school, two of her lovers on each arm, while <em>'enduring'</em> the stares of the crowd.</p><p>Now, don't get her wrong, proclivities aside, she would have done this regardless. The confusing feelings in her heart had been corresponded on all accounts.</p><p>And she couldn't be happier.</p><p>The thrill she got for imaging the verbal needles and barbs on her back was just an added bonus.</p><p>Meanwhile, Kazuma kept lording over the <em>'normies'</em> by showing her proudly like a meager trophy wife, to her elation. He didn't even have to do much, just the smirk on his face made most around them scowl in disgust and jealousy.</p><p>"But wait, what about us!? It'd be troublesome if they took <em>me </em>to a dark alley!" Kazuma protested, turning pale.</p><p>"Then you better stick very near to us~" Chris teased instantly. "Kidding aside, I know you can get yourself out of any situation. You've survived through worse!"</p><p>"It's not the same without my Persona, you know?"</p><p>"I didn't mean Poltergeist, of course. You're plenty resourceful! And you lack the honor to refrain yourself from you using underhanded tactics."</p><p>"Oi, stop it with the insulting compliments, will ya?"</p><p>The conversation died when they arrived on the second floor and found a somewhat familiar scene.</p><p>That is, Kyoya Mitsurugi, talking very closely to Aqua in the hallway, while Megumin (plus her eyepatch), who had her arm very blatantly around the bluenette's waist, kept glaring at him with her uncovered eye. Aqua herself was looking mostly disinterested if a little annoyed at the semi-regular occurrence. It was kind of a wonder that she still couldn't remember the school's track ace's name when he still insisted on approaching her, time and time again.</p><p>She tried to edge away from him towards her classroom, but he couldn't take a hint.</p><p>Darkness could practically see Black Knight resting a hand over his sheathed half-sword.</p><p>"...-and so, I was wondering if you wanted to come with us to the Karaoke this weekend? Your friends can come, too."</p><p>The bad part about this guy was, he was certainly a good, decent person, but had an extremely boring and plain personality. Even Darkness and Chris, who weren't as exposed to Japanese media, could easily pinpoint him out of any crowd because he was just so basic it looped back to unique and outstanding.</p><p>The poor fool didn't even realize he already has his own harem and that he's trying to rope Aqua into being part of it.</p><p>Not on their watch, the threesome thought as they made their way.</p><p>"Well, Megumin and I were still deciding what to do during Sunday and-"</p><p>"That's perfect then! It'll be fun, I promis- oh, morning, Darkness-san, Eris-san, Satou-san," He greeted, although the way his face soured as he looked at Kazuma was missed by nobody.</p><p>Yup, typical.</p><p>"Actually, Yagaterasu-san, we already have plans for the rest of the week, so if you'd kindly leave us alone." Kazuma subtly told him to go fuck off.</p><p>"It's Mit-su-ru-gi! Get it right for once! In fact, you're doing it on purpose, I'd bet. Why do these innocent girls insist on spending time with a criminal such as yourself is beyond me, but someday your true self will be revealed and I will make sure everybody knows the truth!"</p><p>...</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>This idiot can't be THAT dense, right?</p><p>"Heh."</p><p>"Huh? What's so funny?"</p><p>"Ah, AhahahahAHAHAHAHAAHA! Then go right ahead, hero. I'd like to see you try." challenged Kazuma, sporting the most perverse grin he had and using over the top gestures.</p><p>"Why you...!?"</p><p>"Mitsurugi-san," interjected Darkness, using a less than friendly smile "classes are about to start. You should return to your classroom."</p><p>He froze, considering her words, and left without another word, but not before giving Kazuma one last glare.</p><p>"Dickhead." Kazuma insulted unabashedly once Kyoya left.</p><p>"Do you have to antagonize him to that degree?" Darkness scolded him.</p><p>"Absolutely."</p><p>"One hundred percent!" Megumin agreed. "He barely noticed I was here, beyond charmingly saying 'hi'! Just what light novel protagonist does he think he is?"</p><p>"So, what are these plans for the weekend I'm hearing?" Aqua asked, seemingly, or most likely completely forgetting about the previous conversation. "These better be apology plans for me! And they better be expensive, fufufu!"</p><p>"Oi-"</p><p>"Don't you 'Oi' me" she glared, before turning away with her arms crossed "I told you I'd be mad today at you two, so you better work hard at spoiling me! Starting by calling me Aqua-sama!"</p><p>Kazuma looked like he was choking in his saliva, while Darkness resigned herself with a sigh.</p><p>"Indeed, Aqua-sama, there are apologies planned in between, but it's also celebration time!" Megumin and Aqua both perked at this. "We deserve some reward after our most recent victory, of course."</p><p>Then, she turned red, and bashfully said "And it would also be tripling as a date, I guess..."</p><p>The reaction had a second of delay before they all turned red as well, and the students close enough to hear gasped in surprise, but it came to be of little notice for the lovers.</p><p>"Aa-a-a-a ah I GOT TO LEAVE, YEAH, CLASS STARTING!" Megumin absconded for her class on the first years' floor.</p><p>Afterward, Chris and Darkness both took their leaves to their class, leaving Kazuma to sit in his desk behind Aqua's.</p><p>Not late after, the bell announced the start of classes.</p><p>Morning (during classes)</p><p>Kazuma felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Making sure the teacher was engrossed in the lecture, he took it out.</p><p>He raised an eyebrow in wonder. It was one of the moderators of The Thieves Guild DM'ing him. It was the first time something like this happened to him, so there could be any number of reasons.</p><p><strong>Alibaba</strong>: Jester, got a minute?</p><p>He looked up to the teacher, who in his thirty minutes of the class hadn't once turned to face the class.</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: Sure. What's up?</p><p><strong>Alibaba</strong>: First of all, congrats on the Tokyo Thieves for taking over the scoreboards in raw firepower, as well as defeating Alderp's Shadow.</p><p><strong>Alibaba</strong>: But that's not what I came to say.</p><p><strong>Alibaba</strong>: Iwatodai's party, Cent-Visages, was pursuing a target, when it suddenly decided to move out of the city, taking all of their assets and essentially making his new home here, effectively changing his cognition and making his Palace move to Tokyo.</p><p><strong>Alibaba</strong>: This is especially troublesome because this reaction was triggered due to Cent-Visages getting a mid-level alert. The target is an ex-member of the Kirijo Group, so I suspect he has some awareness of the Metaverse.</p><p><strong>Alibaba</strong>: as this city is your jurisdiction, I'm offering you a deal. If you are willing to assist Cent-Visages in stealing the treasure, you'll be immediately promoted to the next rank of The Guild. You'll be able to select higher-level targets, which while they have increased risks, the rewards are more than worth it, imo.</p><p><strong>Alibaba</strong>: You don't have to answer right away, but Cent-Visages will arrive at Tokyo's metaverse come Monday.</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: Thanks for the offer, I'll speak to my team about it first.</p><p>Kazuma pocketed his phone again, and the lecture was lost on him as he pondered over the new developments.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p><strong>whisper whisper whisper</strong>"Did you see them?" <strong>whisper</strong> <strong>whisper</strong></p><p><strong>whisper whisper</strong>"Oh my god, yes. And I still can't believe it." </p><p><strong>whisper</strong> <strong>whisper whisper</strong> <strong>whisper</strong></p><p> </p><p>"Fuck dammit, how come the guy with the criminal record managed to snag 4 beauties?"</p><p>"And they're so shameless about it! Openly displaying their degeneracy!" <strong>whisper</strong> <strong>whisper</strong></p><p><strong>whisper whisper whisper</strong> <strong>whisper</strong> <strong>whisper</strong></p><p> </p><p>"Did you think he did something to them?" <strong>whisper whisper whisper</strong></p><p><strong> whisper whisper</strong> <strong>whisper </strong>"... Huh? Oh, errr…" <strong>whisper whisper</strong></p><p><strong>whisper whisper</strong>"Come on! Pay attention! Maybe he brainwashed them" <strong>whisper</strong></p><p>"Eh!? Is that actually a thing!? What if he goes after one of us then?" <strong>whisper</strong> <strong>whisper</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>whisper </strong>"It would be serious trouble if he was capable of doing something like that. In fact, then <em>that</em> rumor may be true, that he's a-" <strong>whisper</strong></p><p><strong>whisper </strong>"Don't be ridiculous. Scum like him, a Tokyo Thief?" <strong>whisper whisper</strong></p><p><strong>whisper whisper </strong>"What, are you a fan too?" <strong>whisper </strong></p><p><strong>whisper whisper</strong> <strong>whisper whisper whisper whisper</strong></p><p>"The student council should do something about it! I won't feel safe until that degenerate is out of the school!" <strong>whisper </strong></p><p><strong>whisper </strong>"... I-isn't th-that a bit much? M-maybe-" </p><p><strong>whisper </strong>"EH!? You're defending him?!" </p><p>"N-no! B-but we don't know th-the full story! M-maybe they really do love each other...?"</p><p>"Full story!? <em>LOVE EACH OTHER!? </em>Are you out of your mind!?"</p><p>"I-I-I I just-"</p><p>"May I know why you are yelling in the hallways?"</p><p>"Oh! Disciplinary committee chairman Sena! Perfect timing!"</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After school</p><p>"Eeeeeeeeehhhh? We've just finished with Alderp and now they want us to babysit some newbies?" Aqua droned as she stretched like a cat on Kazuma's bed. "Talk about lame."</p><p>"However, we're only halfway through our rank. If we do this it'd be an easy skip." Chris said as she leaned against the wall.</p><p>"But the dangers would be heightened as well. Would we be ready for them?" Darkness, ever the worried mother hen, cautioned. Idly she kept running her fingers through Megumin's hair, who was sitting in her lap.</p><p>"Dunno, we move well because we are a small team. We couldn't all go at the same time." Kazuma said as he munched on some pokeys.</p><p>"We could always share the load, find alternate routes to clear the Palace quickly."</p><p>"I'd say we do it!" Megumin exclaimed, "I mean, we'd get to meet other Persona-users, how rare is that!?"</p><p>"True, there's only ever a handful of Persona-users per city, that is, just us. It'd be like a cross-school event!" agreed Chris.</p><p>"Let's sleep on this and decide tomorrow." Kazuma decided as he got up, sharing a look with Darkness. "Come on, let's go."</p><p>"Huh? We're going somewhere?" Aqua asked as she sat up.</p><p>"Of course, it's time to celebrate!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was my best two years ago. At least I hope you enjoy it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Royal Days</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which they have their first date. I also tried to make some worldbuilding an add some game mechanics, more or less</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wish I had an excuse, but I just honest to god forgot to post this during the vacation.</p><p>Anyway, here's the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Final part </p><p> </p><p>"Shibuya?" Aqua wondered as they boarded the subway.</p><p> </p><p>"For starters, yeah," Kazuma replied. He grimaced when he saw just how packed the train was. "Darkness, hang onto Aqua so she doesn't get lost." </p><p> </p><p>"It was one time!" the blue-haired girl protested, but still held the blonde's hand.</p><p> </p><p>Wordlessly, Megumin held the boy's hand. Neither of them dared to make eye contact, their faces red as tomatoes. </p><p> </p><p>Chris, just a little bit smug, refused to hang onto the railings, showing off her literal ninja balance. It was moot when somebody pushed her from behind and she crashed against Darkness. Resigned, she grabbed hold of the tall blonde's arm.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, did you see the thing yesterday?" </p><p> </p><p>"You mean the calling card?" </p><p> </p><p>The party glanced at a pair of teenagers talking loudly. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, man! It's so awesome!" </p><p> </p><p>"There you go again. You'll rave about them nonstop these days"</p><p> </p><p>"I'm telling you, the Tokyo Thieves are going to change this city- no, the world!"</p><p> </p><p>"Jeez, you're a really hardcore fan. The Tokyo Thieves aren't anything new. Back home in Texas, we had our own group of thieves, you know? 'Los Ladrones'. Ugh, the name is so unoriginal, but they did a lot of good, and I can respect that, at least."</p><p> </p><p>"Of course I know!" the first one exclaimed. "There's like, a team of thieves per city in the world. But! This is the first group that appeared in Tokyo since the Phantom Thieves of Hearts!" </p><p> </p><p>The Tokyo Thieves shared a conspiratory smile between them, but the conversation wasn't over.</p><p> </p><p>"The Phantom Thieves? Man, those are old. I think I was, what, 6 when I first heard of them?" </p><p> </p><p>"You see why I'm so excited now?! After the PTs, similar groups started appearing all over the world, except for Tokyo, their own birthplace!" </p><p> </p><p>"I guess it's fine and all, and hey, there hasn't been any mental breakdown so far, so I guess they're good. It could be so much worse like London had it before The Reapers were apprehended."</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, thank god. In fact, now that you reminded me of them, did you know that they were taken down by another group of thieves?" </p><p> </p><p>"Oh yeah, that was some big news. One day they were causing mental breakdowns left and right, the next, another group... Which one was it?" he asked his friend, the name escaping from him. </p><p> </p><p>"'The Thieves of the Round Table', from Manchester. The name's kinda pretentious, but eh, it's also kinda cool. In the forums, people shortened it to the Holy Thieves, cuz Round Thieves sounded lame." </p><p> </p><p>"Huh, well, yeah, The Holy Thieves were the ones that silenced The Reapers. There was a calling card, the Reapers said they had a hostage, then... Oh, the next day they were all bound in front of the police station, a glazed look in their eyes. They confessed their crimes, but not their methods, and with the evidence stacked against them they were convicted rather easily." </p><p> </p><p>"Who's the hardcore fan now? You know that story by heart, practically." </p><p> </p><p>"Fuck off. I told you, it made big news back then, and this one stuck, that's all!"</p><p> </p><p>"But yeah, that's how it goes. However, that case also stuck to me, I dug a little. Did you know they claimed that they were aware of their crimes, but couldn't remember how they did it? They didn't look all that ashamed or guilty of their crimes, too." </p><p> </p><p>"Like, the Holy Thieves made them forget their methods, but couldn't change their hearts?" </p><p> </p><p>"You caught on quickly! The same happened with the other 'rogue' teams."</p><p> </p><p>"Hmmm... Wonder why...?" </p><p> </p><p>"Hmm?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nothing, just thinking. So, Holy Thieves, you said?" </p><p> </p><p>"Oof, don't let the forums hear calling them that. Their fans are constantly butting heads in the forums with the stans of the Vatican's Holy Knights."</p><p> </p><p>"The Vatican, really?" </p><p> </p><p>"It's a city too, you know? Plenty of religious congregations have had one or two Targets, including even the Buddhists. Not all, but more than I'm happy to know about."</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, but- oh, this is our stop" </p><p> </p><p>The pair left, completely unaware of the party of thieves who now had thoughtful looks. </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>"Nee, Chris! Take us a photo with Hachiko!" Aqua said as she took off while holding Megumin's hand.</p><p> </p><p>Shibuya was lively with other high schoolers enjoying the beginning of the weekend. Among them, the thieves emerged from the subway. The approaching summer could already be felt, and people were already discarding sweaters and scarfs for shorts and loose shirts.</p><p> </p><p>"Only if you take us a photo after!" the silver-haired girl said as she took out her phone. </p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Kazuma checked the time with Darkness.</p><p> </p><p>"Just a few more minutes, right?" he asked. </p><p> </p><p>"Should be right about ..."</p><p> </p><p>"... And now, the CEO of the Dustiness group,  Alexei Barnes Alderp, requested this morning for an urgent interview." the giant screen over the Scramble Crossing started its announcement. For the Thieves, it was like the background noise had fallen silent.</p><p> </p><p>The image was replaced by a man, bald in the head and blonde mustache and beard, sitting behind a table, a row of microphones on it. <b>(P5 ost: “Regret” plays.)</b></p><p> </p><p>"I-I... Have a confession to make. During my lifetime, I’ve committed several crimes.</p><p> </p><p>"I used to blackmail and extortion to further my ascent in power through the business globes. I stole the effort and work of my competitors while extending my roots far and wide, corrupting honest and naive souls. </p><p> </p><p>"I remarried, several times, until I left the women for dry, and silenced them with just a show of power and intimidation.</p><p> </p><p>“I… used to have another son, but I physically abused him from his childhood, until one day he escaped, and I never knew of him after. I didn’t even bother to search. If you’re watching me now… sorry will never begin to make amends for what I’ve done, Maxwell.”</p><p> </p><p>"But to this day, there's nothing I hate myself more than for murdering my best friend. Three years ago, Ignis Dustiness Ford, then the CEO of the Dustiness group, passed away due to an illness, but the truth is that I poisoned him. I killed him, leaving her daughter alone among the beasts I had created.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, can you see me?" he uttered, his head hanging in shame. "Whenever you are, if you can, please, don't you dare ever forgive me. I will not deserve it, not in this life or the next one. But knowing you..." he trailed off, a rueful smile and tears streaming down on his face.</p><p> </p><p>The announcer returned "After the interview, Alderp turned himself over to the authorities, and provided a list of illegal assets and partners. The police are currently investigating..." whatever else she had said was lost amongst the Thieves.</p><p> </p><p>"Justice has been served." Megumin beamed.</p><p> </p><p>"Seems like you guys really drove the point home. That's the fastest anybody ever confessed." smiled Kazuma.</p><p> </p><p>Then, someone sobbed. Immediately, everyone turned to Darkness, whose cheeks were trailed with tears, but had a relieved smile as a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you, I-I-I just... Thank you!" she suddenly found herself in a group hug with her in the middle, and she cried until she couldn't anymore.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>"So you knew it was gonna happen today?" Aqua questioned. </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, Sebastian discreetly warned me that Alderp had suddenly holed himself in his office, and then that he called for the press conference this morning." Darkness explained.</p><p> </p><p>"Then...?"</p><p> </p><p>"The wedding is off!" she announced as she lifted her cup of steaming hot chocolate. </p><p> </p><p>Everyone cheered as they met hers with their own cups.</p><p> </p><p>The Outback Cafe was on the second floor. giving them a nice view of the metropolitan afternoon rush hour, when workers tiredly went to the bars or their own homes, and the artificial lights brought new life to the city.</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing against Alderp's son, but such a gentle personality would have bored me to death." </p><p> </p><p>"What'll happen to him now?" Chris wondered.</p><p> </p><p>"He's still royalty by title, even if he's adopted. Although his family name is as good as disgraced... I'll make sure he's taken care of until he manages to find his footing."</p><p> </p><p>“And Maxwell? Now we know he was his legitimate son all along.” Megumin wondered.</p><p> </p><p>“I doubt he wants anything to do with his father,” Aqua scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“We at least have to find him and ensure he’s safe, first. Then we’ll listen to any demands he has.”</p><p> </p><p>"The list is the icing of the cake. Can't believe he whipped that in a day." Megumin chuckled at her coffee with cream.</p><p> </p><p>"It's unlikely he did. Probably had that list from way before. He had to keep track of his assets." Chris theorized. She idly revolved her black coffee. </p><p> </p><p>"It'd be too much to ask for a list of victims, I guess, coming from him," Aqua complained as she took a sip of her warm milk. </p><p> </p><p>"The company will search for them and offer any manner of restitution, I will make sure of it." affirmed Darkness.</p><p> </p><p>Kazuma finished his coffee with cream and stood up. "Alright, it's about time we moved on."</p><p> </p><p>Aqua perked up.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Evening  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Cadoi City, Shibuya.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Oh! Oh, look at that jacket! And that shirt! And, and!" </p><p> </p><p>Aqua, a sizable pile of clothing in her hand, kept running from one side of the store to the other. </p><p> </p><p>"If only she could run like that in the metaverse," Kazuma commented, unimpressed. </p><p> </p><p>The next part of their date-party-apology was, of course, shopping. </p><p> </p><p>And with quite the budget too! Killing monsters in alternate realities/different planes of existence sure is profitable!</p><p> </p><p>Thus, shopping.</p><p> </p><p>And when in Shibuya, do fashion. </p><p> </p><p>Each of them eventually took off on their own but convened to meet in front of the changing rooms. </p><p> </p><p>Kazuma idly looked over the clothes, checking out some once in a while, finally, he came across a pretty nice blue sweater. </p><p> </p><p>"Wonder if I can find this one in green..." he looked it over and glanced at the tag "Spring Breeze Rhapsody... 12990¥?" Expensive, but not that much with what he had... </p><p> </p><p>"You have a good eye," a clerk told him as he approached. </p><p> </p><p>Kazuma clamped up for a second, unsure how to answer that. He'd only picked it cuz it looked kinda nice. Then, he exhaled mentally, calming down his nerves, born of his social anxiety. Strangers were still a hurdle, but damn it if he hasn't faced worse. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't suppose you have it green, right?" </p><p> </p><p>"As a matter of fact, maybe you'll like this one better." he showed him to another rack, retrieving a two-toned green sweater. "Here, the Tree Leaf Serenade." </p><p> </p><p>"Is that actually its name? Like, why the heck would you name your clothes."</p><p> </p><p>"First time shopping in Shibuya?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, actually. Just moved to Tokyo some months ago." </p><p> </p><p>"You'll want to know your brands and threads, then. What you have in your hands right now is Hip-Snake. I'd normally recommend you some J of the M, that is Jupiter of the Monkey, but green isn't exactly a color they've heard of... Maybe Mr. Pig? There's always anything for anyone if it's Mr. Pig... </p><p> </p><p>"Actually... Follow me," this time, the clerk showed him a very different aisle. </p><p> </p><p>How different, you may wonder? It looked more like the lost and found section than actually part of the clothing store. Backpacks, headphones, gloves, hats, pins, and other random items were orderly placed in the racks. No two items were the same. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, Kazuma!" </p><p> </p><p>Coincidentally, his whole party was there. </p><p> </p><p>"Yo, what's all this?" </p><p> </p><p>"This is the Gatito section.”  the clerk explained.” All items are unique, and designed by CAT itself. Some say they feel the article they were buying belonged to them in a past life, or that it was calling them."</p><p> </p><p>"We were just about to call you here. Neither you, Darkness, or Chris have bought from Gatito before, right?" Aqua guessed correctly, earning a bunch of nods. "Gatito doesn't have a store however, its threads are scattered all over Shibuya, so you could spend days searching for your item. For example, I found my hairpins in the 104" She pointed to the blue and golden hairpins that held her hair in the curious donut-shape she had.</p><p> </p><p>"And I found my eyepatch in CAT Street." Megumin pointed to her eyepatch with the cross design.</p><p> </p><p>"You both keep saying you found those items, not that you bought them," noted Chris. </p><p> </p><p>"It's like he said; something called us to them, we didn't just pick them. Of course, we did have to pay for them, and boy I had to save money for a year to get it." Megumin winced at the memory. "And trust me when I say I searched everywhere for something even slightly similar, but nothing could compare to it."  </p><p> </p><p>The three raised an eyebrow but started looking around nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>A pair of purple headphones, a beaten and worn, but still incredibly stylish cap, a crown necklace, several key charms, a magician's staff with a red orb, oversized yellow shoes... Wait a moment.</p><p> </p><p>"Oi, Megumin, isn't this yours?" Kazuma showed her the staff, and the girl froze for a second. She snapped quickly out of it before snatching it, cradling it like it was her firstborn. "How much?"</p><p> </p><p>The clerk winced. "I'd liiiike to say to just take it to preserve that precious look you have, buuuuuut, it's costly. Like, a lot."</p><p> </p><p>"Just say the price, then we'll judge how costly it is," Kazuma argued. His eyebrow rose, he’d think a store clerk would be more interested in them buying stuff, right? Were the Gatito items that special?</p><p> </p><p>The clerk turned pensive for a moment before he had an idea. "You guys seem like a resourceful group, or maybe you're just loaded, but for Gatito threads there's always an alternative to money." </p><p> </p><p>He took a pin from his pocket and flipped it. As he showed it to them, he took out another two pins, like the ones that had designs on them and you wore in your clothes. "These are Orcichalcum, Shadow Matter, and Dark Matter. </p><p> </p><p>"Ultra rare, nobody sells them. However, in Shibu-Q you can trade some pins like these" he pointed to the pin with 5 gems, "to get just one of these." he pointed to the 6 gem pin "and so on. Like ten for one, I think."</p><p> </p><p>"But I figure you don't have any of these now, so just keep an eye out. You may also have to trade a specific piece of clothing with these to get the item you want."</p><p> </p><p>"How do we find them?" asked Chris. </p><p> </p><p>"Dunno! Teens and adults alike will sometimes come over here with pins like these and leave. I once tried to ask one of them and he told me 'with a shitload of farming', whatever that means. Maybe you should try your luck in Tose Hall's Arcade?"</p><p> </p><p>"We'll buy it, for now, but thanks for the advice"</p><p> </p><p>"Well, it's-" </p><p> </p><p>"Guys!" </p><p> </p><p>Everybody turned to Aqua, who was looking with longing at the translucent pink scarf in her hands. She unfolded it and spun as she threw it in the air. For a moment, the thin scarf seemed to float behind her, and she looked simply <em> divine. </em> But the scarf fell on her neck, and the effect was lost.</p><p> </p><p>It was obvious she had found another of her Gatito articles. </p><p> </p><p>The clerk looked like something had crawled up his ass. "Hooh boy," he muttered, feeling pity for the party.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>"A million yen..." Kazuma dragged his feet, looking pale and about to fall over. </p><p> </p><p>He looked over to Megumin, still cradling the staff, and Aqua, who now had the scarf properly wrapped around her neck. </p><p> </p><p>"Each..." </p><p> </p><p>His wallet felt much lighter now. If Darkness hadn't offered to split the costs, and Megumin and Chris mercifully pitching in their money, he wouldn't even have money for the train.</p><p> </p><p>If this date wasn't also an apology for almost dying (what the hell, they should be the ones being pampered) he would have ripped Aqua a new one for refusing to add in her share.</p><p> </p><p>He still had some 20 thousand, but that's nothing to what he had before. They'd even had to hold off on buying other clothes. </p><p> </p><p>And getting the money he had before was its own struggle, mainly because of the grinding they had to do in Alderp's Palace. </p><p> </p><p>Grinding... </p><p> </p><p>"Hey, we're taking upon Alibaba's offer, Ok?" he told his team. </p><p> </p><p>"Eh? Really?" </p><p> </p><p>"Don't really care." </p><p> </p><p>"Yes!" </p><p> </p><p>"I have my doubts, but I guess I'll just have to prepare for them." </p><p> </p><p>They wandered through the lively Shibuya streets, stopping once in a while to look at the windows. Well, the girls did, Kazuma was bored out of his mind, really not getting the appeal of window shopping, and wanted to get to the next part of the date. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Kazuma" "Yes, I am" "How did you know the staff was hers?" Chris asked, pointing at the brunette who kept trying out poses with her new staff.</p><p> </p><p>To be honest, he didn't. He just looked at it and thought their petite pyromaniac had carelessly dropped it there. Maybe there was some stock in the past life business. </p><p> </p><p>Instead of articulating his thoughts, he shrugged in response, but Chris seemed to understand anyway. Maybe she was actually a psychic, even outside the metaverse. Anything was possible these days.</p><p> </p><p>"Come on, it'll be fun!" </p><p> </p><p>"W-well, th-the thing I-is that-"</p><p> </p><p>"Trust me, you'll have the time of your life with me and my friends~" </p><p> </p><p>He suddenly heard a loud conversation and directed his wandering attention to it. A shady blonde teen was very not subtly trying to lure a shy pure maiden- daaaaaaamn those are some milk jugs...!</p><p> </p><p>"F-Friends?!" </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah! We'll be at it all night long"</p><p> </p><p>"I-I, w-well... Ma-maybe-"</p><p> </p><p>Oh, maybe not so innocent? Well, it's none of his business-</p><p> </p><p>"Yunyun?!" </p><p> </p><p>"Eh!? Megumin!" </p><p> </p><p>Their petite pyromaniac suddenly blurred from her spot, appearing between the girl and shady tug. Thrusting her new staff on his face, she proclaimed her warning:</p><p> </p><p>"Begone, foul and wretched criminal! Keep your shadowy tendrils away from this innocent, naive, slow, lonely-" </p><p> </p><p>"Can you not insult me while you defend me!?" cried the busty girl. "Moreover, why are you defending me for!?" </p><p> </p><p>"Are you just dumb? How can you not see how shifty this character is?!" </p><p> </p><p>"Ouch, you wound me, my lady" the man uttered as he tried to push the staff away from his nose. </p><p> </p><p>"He's just a little shifty!" </p><p> </p><p>"Oof. I'll tell you, I'm a natural blonde!" </p><p> </p><p>"And he just forgot his wallet, but his friends are already inside and he told me he would introduce me to them!" the girl named Yunyun pointed to the Tipsy Tose Hall arcade.</p><p> </p><p>"Did your brain melt to fill your breasts!?"</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, so now you're just throwing insults! No matter, Megumin, my rival, you won't ruin my chances at friendship!"</p><p> </p><p>"As if! You're not good enough to even be called my rival!"</p><p> </p><p>"I'll make you eat those words!" </p><p> </p><p>"You're just ignoring me now, don't ya?" The blonde sighed.</p><p> </p><p>"Dust? Did you-- actually, what did you do?" A girl, short, brunette, and wearing a green hoodie grumbled as she exited the arcade.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh! I thought I recognized you!" Kazuma snapped his fingers. "You're Dust-sempai, the aikido-ace!"</p><p> </p><p>The apparent delinquent "Eh? I'm flattered you'd know of me. You're thinking of joining the team?"</p><p> </p><p>"Nah, you’re the “Foreign Poor Prince”.  Rumour has it you're both a terrible flirt and yet you still manage to somehow charm people into buying you lunch."</p><p> </p><p>"It's both a blessing and a curse~" he shrugged coolly.</p><p> </p><p>The brunette sighed "Honestly." she addressed the bickering girls "He's a cheap asshole, but he's tolerable enough."</p><p> </p><p>"Lynn, the light of life, love of life, you wound me" Dust wailed, clutching his heart like he'd been speared through. He was, once again, ignored. </p><p> </p><p>"Come with me. Dust will follow when he manages to fool someone else or gets bored enough." Lynn said as she grabbed Yunyun’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>"No way Lynn, and I was just about to reel her in." he sighed again in defeat. </p><p> </p><p>She winked as she took Yunyun by the arm and dragged her inside. Dust seemingly gave up and followed after them. </p><p> </p><p>Kazuma checked his phone again.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, come on, we have to catch the train," he said as he turned back to where they came from.</p><p> </p><p>"Eh?? Again!? I wanted to play in the arcade!" protested Aqua.</p><p> </p><p>"No way! We don't have money for you to waste in another losing streak."</p><p> </p><p>Before she could retort, Darkness interceded. "There's still something else we want to show you, so please, come along."</p><p> </p><p>It looked like the bluenette wanted to complain more, but instead turned her nose and speed-walked ahead of them.</p><p> </p><p>Oi, how did he fall in love with this brat again? Must've been the Nightingale syndrome, fucking dammit.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Inokashira Park</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>The lights seemed to dance off the waves of the river around the boat. The quiet was broken only by the rows pushing the boat forward and the little chirp of the spring bugs.</p><p> </p><p>Aqua, her tantrum forgotten, was enchanted.</p><p> </p><p>Kazuma hadn't forgotten, but only for today he'd let go of it (But only today, dammit! That stupid diva better not get cocky, even now that-- no, <em> especially </em>now that they’re dating). Instead, he focused on the scenery while making sure his rowing was in sync with Chris'.</p><p> </p><p>The remaining three members of his party kept admiring the fantasy-esque light show, as well. A myriad of colors passed flying overhead or swam below the water's surface.</p><p> </p><p>Other boats and paddle swans also streamed along, carrying couples and families in them.</p><p> </p><p>"How do you think they're doing it?" Breathed out Chris, her eyes full of wonder.</p><p> </p><p>"Drones, probably."</p><p> </p><p>"Drones?"</p><p> </p><p>"Ah, that's right, you'd probably have seen them with your sheltered ninja childhood."</p><p> </p><p>She scoffed, faux-insulted "Of course I have! Well... Once or twice, but they were big and noisy, and these are very small, like metallic fireflies. And the ones swimming... It's incredible."</p><p> </p><p>Kazuma wasn't one to follow the most recent tech developments, but he could agree with the sentiment.</p><p> </p><p>"Kazuma, Kazuma!" called Megumin. </p><p> </p><p>"That’s my name."</p><p> </p><p>"Look at Aqua!" </p><p> </p><p>They both leaned over to see the bluenette <em> petting a fish. </em>  And not just one, a full bank of fishes, begging for head pats that the girl was happy to give. </p><p> </p><p><em> ... Eh? </em> </p><p> </p><p>He quickly took out his phone to take photos and could see Chris and Darkness doing the same. </p><p> </p><p>The three of them wriggled around the boat, trying to get a good angle when it shook ominously. Everyone (but Aqua, who was entranced by the fishes) froze, and then, more carefully, they took as many photos as they could to immortalize the phenomenon. </p><p> </p><p>As he looked at her, he started getting that feeling again, the one he had when she found her scarf. Suddenly she was in her thieving outfit, her pink translucent scarf floating behind her like a Hagoromo and without her veil.</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head, but in a passing glance noticed the rest of his group had changed as well. Darkness looked just about the same, and her mask was also missing.</p><p> </p><p>Chris and Megumin were the ones that looked the most different. Chris was in a very revealing ensemble, had a green scarf wrapped around her neck, and her breasts were <em> considerably </em>smaller, while Megumin had a wizard outfit, complete with Wizard Cape™ and Witch Hat™.</p><p> </p><p>The vision lasted for a second before it disappeared again as suddenly as it had appeared. </p><p> </p><p>Kazuma shook his head. The fuck was that? That wasn't just stress or whatever flimsy excuse dense anime protagonists cooked up to ignore the obvious plot happening in front of them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yo, mind explaining that? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>The fuck would I know? I'm like, 4 months old since I became aware?</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Bullshit. You're literally my subconscious.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>It’s ‘unconscious’, get it right. And that's exactly why it bothers me. </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><ol>
<li><b><em> Don't. Know.</em></b></li>
</ol><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Yes, Oh. Now go back to your dates</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Kazuma zoned back in to find Darkness and Megumin looking at him curiously. He shrugged their concern off with a wave.</p><p> </p><p>"Ehem!" Aqua cleared her throat loudly. The fishes kept swimming along with the boat. </p><p> </p><p>"I've decided that your gift has sufficiently appeased my wrath. You are forgiven" she spoke, using that high and mighty tone she used when she totally missed she was the one at fault. </p><p> </p><p>"Wow, that easy?" Kazuma smiled as if he had just gotten a jackpot. </p><p> </p><p>"Eh?" </p><p> </p><p>"We were still only halfway through the plan! But, if that's enough to please you..."</p><p> </p><p>"Wh-wh-wh-whe? N-no way, yo-you're just kidding, ah ahahaha, Kazuma you Jester."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh dear, what a waste. I'll have to cancel the reservations at the restaurant. And I guess we could resell the concert's tickets?" Darkness placed a hand against her cheek in resignation. </p><p> </p><p>"DO NOT CANCEL THEM, YOU HEAR?! DO. NOT. CANCEL!" </p><p> </p><p>"Pffft, AHAHAHAHA!" Neither of them could contain their laughter anymore and cracked down. Aqua screeched. </p><p> </p><p>"You... You...! YOU MEANIES!!" </p><p> </p><p>That's when both Megumin and Chris both lost it as well. </p><p> </p><p>Aqua turned to the side, pouting to fight the smile that threatened to pull her face. </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>They returned and Aqua waved her fish friends goodbye. </p><p> </p><p>"No, but seriously, how in the honest fuck?" Kazuma asked her. </p><p> </p><p>"What do you mean?" </p><p> </p><p>"The fishes!" </p><p> </p><p>"Everybody's got weird talents like that" she waved him off. "like, there's this girl from the dancing studio that can shoot an arrow with her feet!" </p><p> </p><p>"Wow, for real?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yup! She did it one day after she lost a dare. Nailed an apple on the other side of the room. Well, the arrow was a prop, but the bow was real enough!" </p><p> </p><p>"Damn... How do you even grab- wait, that's not the same! People can't just whistle fish to come to them!" </p><p> </p><p>However, Aqua just kept walking ahead, prancing on the cobblestone road. </p><p> </p><p>He sighed and looked at the hour. Just after curfew, but they made sure to warn their guardians. </p><p> </p><p>He was dead tired by now though. </p><p> </p><p>"Hye, let's call it a day!" </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah"</p><p> </p><p>"My bed summons me..."</p><p> </p><p>"Yes."</p><p> </p><p>"Bweee!? But I wanna party all night long! Is it over already?" </p><p> </p><p>"YES!" </p><p> </p><p>"Wah! Jester, don't scream at me!" </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>The trains were packed once again. Aqua and Chris were squeezed beside each other, while the rest was some few people away from them.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Chris?” the bluenette started.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“I know you pad your chest.”</p><p> </p><p>“... How.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yesterday, When you pressed your fake boobs in my face. I don't know anybody else, but I can tell.”</p><p> </p><p>“... What do I have to give you to keep quiet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmmmmm~ what to do, what to do...?” Aqua grinned mischievously “Maybe I'll just hang it over your head until I think of something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don't be like that, Aqua. Extortion and blackmail are serious crimes, you know?” Chris muttered, knowing that whatever the blue-haired girl could prepare would be harmless, but mortifyingly embarrassing.</p><p> </p><p>“Eheheh~”</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>When he got home, Kazuma quickly realized four things:</p><p> </p><ol>
<li>Luna-san had gone home already.</li>
</ol><p> </p><ol>
<li>His bed frame was still broken and his mattress was missing.</li>
</ol><p> </p><ol>
<li>The couch had been stripped bare, leaving only the wood furniture behind. </li>
</ol><p> </p><ol>
<li>There were no futons to be found. On his nightstand was a note addressed to him from Luna. </li>
</ol><p> </p><p>It read "Go get 'em". Or at least, the chicken scrabbles apparently read that. </p><p> </p><p>Beneath the note was a wrapped condom.</p><p> </p><p>... She couldn't be this drunk this early, right? </p><p> </p><p>... Right? </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>"Eh? I even called to make sure! The futons should have arrived already." Darkness affirmed over the phone. </p><p> </p><p>"Ehhh, that's weird. Did somebody break-in? Wait, no, that's dumb. Why would someone steal a pair of futons? How do you even steal a mattress??" Chris chimed in from the background. </p><p> </p><p>"I... I think I have an idea of what happened. I'll hang up now." </p><p> </p><p>"You sure? Well, goodnight then." </p><p> </p><p>"Night, Kazuma!" </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, night." </p><p> </p><p>...</p><p> </p><p>Well, shit. </p><p> </p><p>Luna definitely hid his new futons, maybe even took them to her home. The clues were obvious, of course, but he still had a faint hope that the delivery company had simply misplaced them. </p><p> </p><p>Which meant that:</p><p> </p><ol>
<li>Luna-san received them. When she went to his rooms in the cafe’s attic, she found his bed frame broken by half. Considering his party carried both Darkness and himself unconscious to there, and there were two futons, not just one, she must have connected some dots.</li>
</ol><p> </p><ol>
<li>She couldn't have done this alone. She had accomplices and he had a pretty good idea who the fuckers were. </li>
</ol><p> </p><ol>
<li>She was enabling him. Well, more like forcing him to take action. </li>
</ol><p> </p><p>He didn't know whether to throttle her or bow until his head reached his knees. (He couldn't do either. She was his legal guardian and he wasn't flexible at all) </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The hell is up with that cool aunt attitude!? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wait, isn't this an ideal situation? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>This was the perfect opportunity to spend the night over with one of his... Girlfriends... </p><p> </p><p>... </p><p> </p><p>Oh god, he had 4 girlfriends.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Just now do you realize!?</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>For all his gloating earlier that day, the reality hadn't sunk until that moment. The enormity of the situation wouldn't hit home for another week or so.</p><p> </p><p>He was halfway to a minor panic attack.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t dealing with your average cliché harem, not even the most unusual ones were anything close to what he was in. He was dating<em> four girls who were also dating each other. </em></p><p> </p><p>Oh fuck, he was dating his best friends. His useless party that couldn't stop themselves from causing mayhem at every opportunity they had. </p><p> </p><p>Holy fucking SHIT. HE HAD A ROMANTIC DATE WITH THEM. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Gods, devils, whoever's listening. Shut. Him. UP!</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>He couldn't go to their houses! They weren't just teased romantic interests, he was all the way in their routes! </p><p> </p><p>HE'S NOT READY TO BE A PAPA! </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Nope, had it with this bullshit </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>A small fireball exploded in his face, flooring him with a splitting headache while also stopping his mental panic. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Ya done!?</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Mother FUCK is wrong with you!? Actually, I had forgotten yesterday, but how in the fuck did you do that!? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>I Said. Are. Ya. Fucking. Done!?</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yes! Christ...  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Good, now, you're going to stop bitching, man up and call one of your girlfriends and spend the night over, chill as ice. </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The hell, man? We've just started dating! I can't do that. Fuck off with man up shit too. I'm nowhere ready to take that step! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>But you want to.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Duh, but like hell I'm ready for it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Well, it doesn't even have to be that step, ya know!? If it's just to spend the night over... </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh. Oooh, true, right, yeah. OK. Ok... That totally wasn't what you were implying tho </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Lol, I rather us go all the way in, but 'ego' and all that</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ego?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Shush, not important, get to calling</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Kazuma took a deep breath and reached for his phone.</p><p> </p><p>True, he could call to spend the night over with one of the girls, but wouldn't that be a show of favoritism? Wait, but Chris already lives with Darkness, could they already have...?</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p> </p><p>He'll file that thought for later.</p><p> </p><p>On the other hand, he could just spend the night at a hotel...</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, no. </p><p> </p><p>Besides that being a massive pussy move, he'd already spent more than enough money that day.</p><p> </p><p>But, then, who could he call?</p><p> </p><p>Megumin? Her parents were already convinced they were dating the moment they met, and they pushed the two teens together when he insisted they weren't. Besides, he could visit cute Komekko-chan.</p><p> </p><p>Aqua lived by herself in Shujin's dorms. Her bed could barely fit two people, but if they held <em> really </em>close... </p><p> </p><p>And Darkness had guest rooms aplenty, but she wouldn't mind sharing her spacious bed. And with Chris there...</p><p> </p><p>Making a decision, his finger hovered over the contact.</p><p>. </p><p>. </p><p>. </p><p>The End. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That's all, folks. </p><p>Here's to all that read this bloody mess, cheers and thank you so much.</p><p>I didn't expect it to get that much attention, but I'm glad you people liked it. </p><p>I hope you'll read more of my other works.</p><p>Who did Kazuma call, you wonder? Up to your imagination. </p><p>Do leave a comment before you leave? Authors thrive on those.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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